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Kevin McCarthy Secures College Council Speakership After 14 Ballots
I really just wanted to put ‘Speaker of College Council’ on my LinkedIn.
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Why Unions Are Bad Actually (Not Sponsored by University of Chicago)
Unions are the only group which can negotiate for you: if you’re represented by a union, you’ll only have negotiating power as a collective rather than a super cool, maverick, lone wolf individual…
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Top Twenty Things on Other People’s Laptops You Can Pay Attention to Instead of Your Bio Topics Lecture
Youtube fan edit for the 90s classic Y Tu Mama Tambien.
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Top Ten Most Romantic Days in February
My uncle Fred’s birthday is February 6.
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Heartbreaking! DU Invested Entire Fund Into FTX
Reports show DU members begging for Maroon Dollars outside the Reg to repay their debt, although no member responded to our request for comment.
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How to Read Chicago Shady Dealer Headlines Like a Horoscope
They definitely thought about this one specific problem in their lives for at least two weeks before they brought it up at a pitch meeting and then the week that they wrote it.
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Dean Boyer Snubbed by Popular Clique of Ivy League Provosts
“I try to sit with them at lunch but they’re always, like, so mean to me."
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Northwestern Spy Balloon Spotted over UChicago Campus
College Dean John Boyer is reportedly hard at work deciphering the bright pink spray paint on the side, which reads: “LULZ WHERES UR ENGINEERING SKL U JUST GOT PRANKT BRO".
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University Hires New Neubauer Family Assistant Associate Vice Admiral Director of Rigorous Professional Academic Engagement, Inquiry, and Hijinks
“We felt like the administration just wasn’t doing our job with 5,438 employees, but we remain optimistic that the 5,439th will do the trick.”
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Announcing the Shady Dealer’s Datamatch 2023
“After four straight years of Datamatch, we thought we’d hit rock bottom in terms of question material, but it turns out we could sink lower down!”
