I know that we can all rest our hopes in Kamala and Joe. But, I also know I still struggle with pornography addiction.

November 3rd, 2020 has been a historic day for many reasons, not least because of a historic break with conventional election wisdom. For the first time since 1976, Texas has voted blue. A Pew Research Poll conducted this week found that 52% of Texans now consider “Cool Blue” their favorite Gatorade flavor, up from only 43% in 2016. This represents a dramatic shift from previous elections, in which the clear favorite has generally been “Fruit Punch.”

You miscreants, you fucking econ majors --  you haven’t fucking voted yet have you. I bet you dick breathed, ass brained nut-rags haven’t even looked up your polling places. You disgust me.

It has often been said that this election will be the most consequential of our lifetimes, so it is of utmost importance that we motivate voters to stay engaged. After all, it is our civic duty to be actively involved in the democratic process, and our gift bags must reflect this fact. So far I've voted 8 times, and I don't plan to stop just yet. However regrettably, in return for my outstanding efforts I’ve received nothing more than a mediocre t shirt (small).

With just a few days left before election day, the presidential race has entered its final hours. And facing a steep deficit in many national and key state polls, the Trump campaign has chosen to change absolutely nothing about how they have campaigned up to this point. In a stunning twist that has shocked pundits, Trump has, against all previous understandings of his personality and demeanor, refused to change anything about how he conducts himself and continued to blame literally anything except himself.  The object of his rambling ire this week? Not Nancy Pelosi or Chuck Schumer, nor Dr. Anthony Fauci, or even reason itself—but instead, according to a statement…

If you’re reading this, you’re most likely a human, cursed with the ability to comprehend phrases like “electoral college” or “voter suppression.” Here are six cute dogs who, unlike you, don’t have to pay attention to politics during its most stressful month in recent memory.