• MEETING INFO: Thursdays, 6 pm, Harper 145.
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  • MEETING INFO: Thursdays, 6 pm, Harper 145.

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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

read more
January 5, 2023
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

read more
November 16, 2020
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

read more
November 30, 2022
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

read more
December 6, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

read more
April 19, 2021
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Meeting on Thursday, 6 pm, in Harper 145.

    Chase Teichholz / October 5, 2026
    read more
  • 8=Democracy

    Biden Launches Post-Presidency Career as Sommelier

    Griffin Bonnin Jones / August 20, 2026
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Point: Let Women Vote/ Counterpoint: What’s Next, Letting Women Tie Me to a Billiard Table and Pour Mercury on My Genitals?

    Chicago Shady Dealer Newsdesk / August 11, 2026
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Karl Marx Mistaken for Marx Brother, to Star in Duck Soup

    Jack Rickover / August 10, 2026
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    God Gets Abraham Real Good for April Fool’s Day

    Methuselah Jones / July 20, 2026
    read more
  • Campus Life,  Historical Issue

    In Lieu of My Thesis, Would You Like a Bunch of Random Whale Facts?

    Herman Melville / July 5, 2026
    read more
  • Historical Issue,  Off-Campus Life,  World Affairs

    de’ Medici Family Plans New Restaurant Venture in “Hyde Park, Chicago”

    Elena de la Tortellini / July 4, 2026
    read more
  • Historical Issue,  Internships & Jobs & The Hard Reality of Modern Capitalism

    Four startups and products that are guaranteed to fail

    Business Bob / July 3, 2026
    read more
  • Historical Issue,  World Affairs

    Point: Maybe you need to feed the people? Counterpoint: But what about my golden rotating statue?

    Byline: Point: A Concerned Citizen, Counterpoint: Saparmyrat Nyýazow, Father of the Turkmen People and President for Life of Turkmenistan / July 2, 2026
    read more
  • Historical Issue,  World Affairs

    Top 5 Yummy Political Leaders to Consume

    Countess Isabella the Mustached / July 1, 2026
    read more
123

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