The Chicago Shady Dealer
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions

Masthead

Editors in Chief

Kelly Lo

R.E Stern

Managing Editor

Kate Kaplin

Deputy Managing Editor

Andre Dang

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Copy Editors

Jacob Halabe

Maisie Thompson

Merrin Seegers

Photo Editor

Emilio Rosas Linhard

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected]

  • Campus Life

    Wow! First-Year in SOSC Sure Knows a Lot about Hunter Biden’s Laptop

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 29, 2023

    When asked if he had ever written a weekly discussion post, Watercrest immediately ran out of the room.

    read more
  • Campus Life

    University to Open “Dumb Museum” in Interest of Hearing Both Sides

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 28, 2023

    “This opening is part of our new Kalven Report initiative to maintain neutrality and plausible deniability in all things.”

    read more
  • Campus Life

    Econ Department Scraps Plans to Include ‘Compassion’ Requirement in Business Track

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 27, 2023

    This comes after a long series of complaints given by recent employers that UChicago students just had “far too many morals”.

    read more
  • Campus Life

    Candace Owens Spotted Outside Reg Begging for Male Validation

    Chicago Shady Dealer Newsdesk / March 23, 2023

    Reports have also shown her soliciting 6’8” tall men for “uppies.”

    read more
  • Campus Life

    UChicago Reluctantly Agrees to Stop Holding Arson Classes

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 22, 2023

    Boyer cited the hundreds of dollars worth of chemicals and the impetus for the university’s decision to finally axe the sequence.

    read more
  • Campus Life

    “How Much Worse Could It Get?” Baker and Cathey Dining Commons to Close

    Cassie Fischer / March 21, 2023

    “We were already going to cause awful lunch backups with the Bartlett closure. How much worse could it get?”

    read more
  • Campus Life

    Professor Allen Sanderson Makes Inspiring Debut at UChiCon

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 18, 2023

    Sanderson also shocked attendees by taking home the grand prize of the Cosplay competition.

    read more
  • Campus Life

    “Perspective for Difficult Times”: An Oral History of UChicago’s Most Infamous Administrative Email

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 17, 2023

    Three years ago today, admin sent an email entitled “Perspective for Difficult Times” into the university community’s inbox. Granted unprecedented access, we spoke to the people involved in creating the infamous email on…

    read more
  • Campus Life

    Reg to Introduce Death Penalty for Overdue Books

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 15, 2023

    Effective immediately, students found to have one or more books overdue from the library will be shot on sight by a “state of the art automated weaponry system” installed at the building’s front…

    read more
  • Campus Life

    Nuclear Reactor Found in Rafters of Harper Memorial Library

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 13, 2023

    Students studying for their midterms did not look up when warned “there’s a nuclear reactor,” only speaking up to respond that Harper Memorial Library is a no-talking zone, and would you please kindly…

    read more
 Older Posts

Read It and Weep

  • Wow! First-Year in SOSC Sure Knows a Lot about Hunter Biden’s Laptop
  • University to Open “Dumb Museum” in Interest of Hearing Both Sides
  • Econ Department Scraps Plans to Include ‘Compassion’ Requirement in Business Track
  • Landmark Study Finds You Responsible for 80% of Global Carbon Emissions
  • Obama to Appear in Kent 107 for Guest Organic Chemistry Lecture
  • Third-Year Admitted to Prestigious No-Fly List
  • Candace Owens Spotted Outside Reg Begging for Male Validation
  • UChicago Reluctantly Agrees to Stop Holding Arson Classes
  • “How Much Worse Could It Get?” Baker and Cathey Dining Commons to Close
  • Area Sim Starts Fire by Making Salad

Chicago Shady Dealer

  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions

Archives

Categories

For Writers

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
© 2023 Chicago Shady Dealer
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions
Ashe Theme by WP Royal.