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Zoom Host Drunk with Power
In a shocking turn of events, Carl Shelton, Zoom host of his chemistry study group’s meeting this week, has become inexorably drunk with power.
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I Broke My Pencil and Now I’m Sad I Can’t Fix It.
That’s the title I am ashamed to declare I broke my pencil
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Booth Student Announces His Two-Week “Immersive Empathy Micro-Metcalf Retreat” on Linkedin
As I am sure that you’ve heard, Booth School of Business, where I am pursuing an MBA as an octuple legacy has gone remote for two weeks. Despite the difficult news and I am proud and grateful to announce that I have been chosen for a highly selective immersive empathy Micro-Metcalf Retreat in Vue 53!
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If You Sent Your Crush the Wrong Quad Pics…I Am Here to Help.
So you made a little mistake. Well… maybe a big little mistake. Well…maybe a really big little mistake. You sent your crush the wrong quad pics . Before you start going into anaphylactic shock, I just want to let you know that there’s no need to worry. I’ve made this mistake many times. Probably as many times as you can count on three hands and one finger. Some call me an expert in this field. This oddly specific inability for me to differentiate between a college quad, and the quads that are on the human musculoskeletal system is actually the reason why I decided to partake in this line…
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FiveThirtyEight Noticed Us
As has been our mission all along, the folks at FiveThirtyEight finally noticed us. Specifically, they cease-and-desist-noticed us. Take a look:
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The 2020 Election Explained in Three Charts
Following our colleagues in other largely data-science based news organizations, we’ve conducted a variety of mathematical examinations and statistical quandaries in analysis of the recent elections. Due to some technical difficulties, we were unable to utilize our typical analysis programs. However, our intern Brian assures us he can do the same things in Google Sheets. So we’ll see how this goes. In the midst of a pandemic, the political landscape has changed a lot since even the last year. And gearing up to the election, it’s certainly informative to look at the percentage of Republicans who’ve maintained their faith in Trump over the past year. Ok, uhh, Brian, that’s just…
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New Passive Investing RSO Proves Profitable, “Incredibly Boring”
HYDE PARK – UChicago has never had a shortage of investment clubs ready to launch students towards careers in finance, high-paying jobs on Wall Street, and inevitable burnout by age 30. So it should come as no surprise this quarter that two second-year students have taken it upon themselves to found yet another finance RSO. It’s called Phoenix Indexes, and its goal is to teach students the ‘tricks of the trade’ in the world of passive investing. The club shares an origin story with practically every financial RSO. “Phoenix Indexes was founded to solve one key problem: we were rejected from the Blue Chips,” said Ian Vester, PI’s president. “But…
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Point: 2020 Will be the Worst Year Ever. Counterpoint: 5781 Will be the Worst Year Ever.
Point: 2020 Will be the Worst Year Ever Written by Bernard Sanders The COVID-19 Pandemic. The 2020 Presidential Election. Increased and hyper-visible police brutality. Climate change. Fires, floods, droughts, political unrest. This past year has challenged our nation and the world as a whole in ways unmatched in all of history. I personally put my faith in the American public, putting my name in the hat early on in this electoral cycle, only to be betrayed through practices of fearmongering about “socialism” and the influences of my fellow candidates. Let me be clear: I had the solutions, America. 2020 Could have been a horror story with a happy ending,…
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Amy Coney Barrett Refuses to Attend Hearings Without Ceremonial Mace of President George Washington Present in the Room
Republicans’ efforts to replace the late Ruth Bader Ginsburg on the Supreme Court with Judge Amy Coney Barrett encountered an unexpected snag recently, as Judge Barrett announced her refusal to attend the confirmation hearings. Judge Barrett’s justification for her absence was even more unusual: she declared that the Senate did not have authority to examine her nomination without the ceremonial mace of President George Washington present in the room.
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Top 5 Things You Can Say in SOSC to Convince Your Professor That You Did the Readings
“Actually in another class I am taking this quarter...” This is a standard but reliable go to for students who did not want to read another hundred pages of Adam Smith talking about money or whatever. Gold medals should be given to students who can vaguely connect their Global Warming class to their Self discussion. Disclaimer: this phrase does rely heavily on the assumption that you have done the reading for another class. This might be an unrealistic expectation if you are reading this article.
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