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Editors in Chief

Kelly Lo

R.E Stern

Managing Editor

Kate Kaplin

Deputy Managing Editor

Andre Dang

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Copy Editors

Jacob Halabe

Maisie Thompson

Merrin Seegers

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected]

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Breaking: Your New Student Government

    Kelly Tsing Sum Lo and 2 more / April 25, 2022

    The Student Government elections are over, and the Shady Dealer has the scoop on the winners! In other news, we got arrested for breaking into the office of the Elections and Rules committee,…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    UChicago Ad “At the Forefront” of Carlos Rodón’s No-Hitter

    R.E. Stern / April 15, 2021

    Rodón’s no-hitter, and the sign along with it, served as a beacon of hope during a difficult time for the University. “We hope that Carlos’ dynamic, lockdown performance provides a great example for…

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  • Campus Life

    Only Permitted Spring Break Activity is Clicking This Button, Admin Says

    Deblina Mukherjee and 1 more / March 7, 2021

    A recent email from the College urged students to stay at home and within the Chicago area during the upcoming spring break, and revealed that the only activity the College suggests students do…

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  • Campus Life

    How To Get This Quarter’s Existential Crisis Over With Early

    R.E. Stern / January 21, 2021

    As winter quarter begins and your courses kick into high gear, it's once again time to face the fact that at some point between now and finals, you’ll inevitably break down. But can…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Survey: Math Department Unaware Gerald Ford No Longer President

    R.E. Stern / January 20, 2021

    A full 93% of the department’s members were unable to correctly identify the outgoing President as Donald Trump, or the incoming President as Joe Biden. In fact, a plurality of respondents (36%) listed…

    read more
  • 8=Democracy

    The Dealer’s Georgia Runoff Election Forecasts

    R.E. Stern / January 1, 2021

    Today, the Dealer is proud to release our official county-by-county interactive forecasts of the 2021 Georgia runoff elections for the U.S. Senate. This makes us one of the only data journalism sites willing…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    How to Write the Republic Using Your Excess Plastic Silverware

    R.E. Stern / November 23, 2020

    If you live on-campus and eat at the dining halls, you've probably got at least a few dozen plastic knives and spoons, left over from meals, burning a hole in your pocket right…

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  • Campus Life,  Favorites

    Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

    R.E. Stern / November 16, 2020

    A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest number, 87381. 

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  • Politics

    6 Cute Dogs Who Can’t Understand Why the Election is Important

    R.E. Stern / November 2, 2020

    If you’re reading this, you’re most likely a human, cursed with the ability to comprehend phrases like “electoral college” or “voter suppression.” Here are six cute dogs who, unlike you, don’t have to…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Letter: There’s Always Spring Quarter

    Chicago Shady Dealer and 1 more / October 30, 2020

    We know that two quarters in a row of distance learning isn't how you planned to start your time in college. You wanted to spend Orientation Week with several dozen of your newest…

    read more
 Older Posts

Read It and Weep

  • After Years of Confusion, PSI Decides to Just Become a Frat
  • Wanna Feel Better About Politics? Donate to These 4 Inspirational Democrats Running in Districts They Have No Chance Whatsoever of Winning
  • Woodlawn Announces Intramural Cockfighting League to Boost House Culture
  • Pope Francis Considering a 2024 Bid for Dalai Lama
  • Why is the Trolley Problem On My Econ P-Set, and What Did Y’all Get?
  • MAB Bans Non-Black Concertgoers from Saying N-Word at Summer Breeze, Causes Stir
  • Breaking: Your New Student Government
  • Sexy Jesus & Apoptles Rumble Time!!!
  • Four Complaints I Would Have About UChi-Con – If I Went, Which I Definitely Didn’t
  • Op-Ed from an Autistic Person: Why I Am Elated That I No Longer Have to Practice Masking

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