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How to Write the Republic Using Your Excess Plastic Silverware
If you live on-campus and eat at the dining halls, you've probably got at least a few dozen plastic knives and spoons, left over from meals, burning a hole in your pocket right now. Since UChicago can't be bothered to stop giving us this unnecessary plastic waste, it's up to us to think up ways to put them to good use. Like writing out the entire 'Republic'.
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Math Department Discovers New Highest Number
A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest number, 87381.
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6 Cute Dogs Who Can’t Understand Why the Election is Important
If you’re reading this, you’re most likely a human, cursed with the ability to comprehend phrases like “electoral college” or “voter suppression.” Here are six cute dogs who, unlike you, don’t have to pay attention to politics during its most stressful month in recent memory.
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Letter: There’s Always Spring Quarter
We know that two quarters in a row of distance learning isn't how you planned to start your time in college. You wanted to spend Orientation Week with several dozen of your newest friends and an ungodly amount of alcohol, not on a Zoom call from your childhood twin bed. You were supposed to be sitting at a cubicle in the Reg when you got your first failing grade on a paper. You wanted to make friends that you knew for certain were not golden retrievers who learned to type.
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Class of 2024 First-Ever Not to Know Which Direction Is North
HYDE PARK, BUT NOT REALLY – For the first time in its history, the majority of the incoming class at the University of Chicago could not determine which way was north on a map of Hyde Park, the University’s College Programming Office announced Monday. Incoming first years took the survey which produced this insight as part of Orientation Week, which in 2020 became virtual due to the COVID-19 pandemic. The College Programming Office said in a statement that it had offered the survey to “collect evidence that despite obvious challenges, Orientation Week was proceeding successfully.” However, it found none; other findings from the survey are similarly disturbing, if unsurprising. Nearly…
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It’s Your God-Given Right to Overreact to the FiveThirtyEight Election Forecast
With political candidates in today’s 24-hour news cycle, it’s less “what have you done for me?” and more “what have you done for me lately?” Who cares which political candidate is best for the country when you could know which political candidate had the best day yesterday? This useful trend has led obsessing over minor daily updates to the FiveThirtyEight election forecast to become a time-honored tradition. Come election season, the site would become a mecca for people looking for a daily dose of anger or schadenfreude. Turns out driving people insane is pretty lucrative . Who knew? The design for this year’s FiveThirtyEight forecast interface, however, takes pains to…
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8=Democracy
Wins Presidency Newsby the Chicago Shady Dealer It’s Your God-Given Right to Overreact to the FiveThirtyEight Election Forecast Interactiveby R.E. Stern Ad The 2020 Election Explained in Three Charts Analysisby Cameron Chang Trump Decries Identity Politics in Last-ditch Appeal to Balding Blue-collar Midwestern White Men Aged 40-65 Newsby Trae Falgar-Crosstabbs FiveThirtyEight Noticed Us Newsby Zakwan Khan Fuck It, We’re Launching a Data Journalism Site Newsby the Chicago Shady Dealer Ad In 2020, Which Issues are UChicago Students Most Concerned About? Analysisby Kate Kaplin We Asked Each State’s Residents Who They Were Voting For. Here’s What They Told Us. Interactiveby Ishaan Singh Biden Chooses Kamala Harris for President, Joe Biden for…
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Biden Chooses Kamala Harris for President, Joe Biden for VP
SCRANTON, PA – In a historic, bizarre, and unprecedented move, Joe Biden announced today that he had selected himself as the Democratic vice-presidential candidate. Biden also announced that Kamala Harris would replace him as the Democratic nominee for President. Harris, a pragmatic moderate who spent most of her early career as a prosecutor, tweeted that she was “honored” to be the first woman with a secure email server to be nominated for the Presidency by a major party. Biden, who made the announcement from a moving Amtrak train passing through Scranton, Pennsylvania, said “I look forward to doing what it takes to make Kamala Harris our next Commander-in-Chief.” Many of…
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Dealer Music Review: “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”
What happens when a girl loves America’s pastime so much she insists that all of her dates be at sporting events? Lyricist Jack Norwood and composer Albert Von Tisler give us the answer in their acclaimed single “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” (now available on iTunes for $0.99). The song is a catchy and upbeat earworm that is sure to make its way into your head, if not onto the Billboard charts, pretty soon. Granted, the single is pretty short — barely two minutes long — but that’s no reason it can’t compete for airtime with the likes of Taylor Swift or Billie Eilish. Norwood and Von Tisler,…
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Op-Ed: This New Provost Will Fix Everything!
UChicago students, rejoice! Our university-wide nightmare is over. For too long, we’ve been plagued by an administration that is clearly more concerned with their bottom line than with our academic and emotional well-being. But the recent change of leadership in the provost’s office will put this to an end. Ka Yee C. Lee, who was announced in February as the replacement for outgoing provost Daniel Diermaier, will fix everything that’s broken with the administration, guaranteed. I don’t really know what a provost does, but I do know that our new one will live up to the hype. From the very first words in her introductory email to the student body…
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