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Op-Ed: Heartbreaking! Phoebe Bridgers Broke up With Her Boyfriend, Also on a Separate Note, My Parents’ House Is Being Foreclosed on and We Don’t Have a Home
Also, when I asked my dad about his debt, he told me a “dumb little girl like me wouldn’t understand,” and then said some unsavory things about my mom.
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Harry Styles Showcases New Gender-Defying Steelhead Trout Dress
Another said “I think it was supposed to be an environmental statement or something, but I think he just wanted an excuse to wear fish guts."
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Ron Desantis Slams “Gay Ass” Rainbow Fish Book
“I think it’s disgusting that our kids are reading about a limp-wristed fish on the taxpayer’s dime,” DeSantis stated.
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New Startup Matches Douchebags to African Safari Animals They Can Kill
Environmental activists have touted the app as “pretty messed up” and “the solution that we didn’t ask for, but thanks, I guess”.
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Grammy Award Given to My Beautiful Grandma
“I thought they gave these awards to musicians or Presidents that record audiobooks,” said my clearly stunned grandmommy.
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Inspirational! The Hunters and Taxidermists That Jim Henson Forced to Make the Muppets Are Finally Demanding Fair Recognition for Their Work
Henson is also suspected of cross-border trafficking: the court has questioned how Chinese and South American hunters could have acquired the rotting corpse of Big Bird.
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Op-Ed: I Just Completed This Century’s Mona Lisa in the 1st Floor Harper Women’s Bathrooms
Years from now, art history students will take treks to the 1st Floor Harper Women’s Bathrooms to study my seminal painting.
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How to Read Chicago Shady Dealer Headlines Like a Horoscope
They definitely thought about this one specific problem in their lives for at least two weeks before they brought it up at a pitch meeting and then the week that they wrote it.
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New Report Casts Doubt on George Santos’ Claim to Danish Throne
The Danish National Archives said in an email that it was “pretty sure we would know if Queen Alexandrine had a whole ass son in 1898.”
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BTS Members Disband for Good After Finding Their True Passion in the Military
“It will allow me to travel the world and see my fans!”