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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

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January 5, 2023
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

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December 6, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
  • Historical Issue

    Nothing Happens in Tiananmen Square

    Chicago Shady Dealer / May 3, 2023
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  • Historical Issue

    As Y1K Looms, Mathematicians Raise Concern About Abacus Malfunctions

    Chicago Shady Dealer / May 3, 2023
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  • Historical Issue

    Sorry! We’ll Get ‘Em This Time

    Chicago Shady Dealer / May 2, 2023
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  • Historical Issue

    Third Crusade’s The Charm

    Chicago Shady Dealer / May 2, 2023
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  • Historical Issue

    We’re Totally Gonna Win This Crusade

    Chicago Shady Dealer / May 2, 2023
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  • Historical Issue

    John D. Rockefeller founds UChicago in Hopes of Creating Greatest Quizbowl Team on God’s Green Earth

    Chicago Shady Dealer / May 1, 2023
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  • Historical Issue

    Op-Ed: Telegraphs are Ruining Our Children’s Productivity

    Chicago Shady Dealer / May 1, 2023
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  • Historical Issue

    Op-Ed: I Am the Emperor, and I Want Dumplings

    Chicago Shady Dealer / April 30, 2023
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  • Historical Issue

    Area Man Solves Grain Shortage by Inventing Grain

    Chicago Shady Dealer / April 29, 2023
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  • Historical Issue

    Common Proto-Indo-European Phrases to Learn Before Your Trip to Proto-Indo-Europe

    Chicago Shady Dealer / April 29, 2023
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