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Romney claims he built his own teeth
By Mark Boykin Oct. 22, 2012 At a campaign stop in St. Paul, Minnesota, yesterday, presidential hopeful Mitt Romney launched into dental rhetoric in the middle of a speech on campaign finance. In…
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Report: 78% of Brita filter owners are the only ones who ever fill the damn thing
By Becky Stoner Oct. 22, 2012 A study conducted by researchers in the Division of the Social Sciences at the University of Chicago found that 78% of Brita filter owners report being the…
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Apple sues Pythagoras, claims triangle is half iPhone
By Mark Boykin Oct. 22, 2012 In another highly publicized litigious maneuver for the Cupertino-based tech firm, Apple has filed suit against Greek mathematician and philosopher Pythagoras for copyright infringement, claiming that Pythagoras…
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Straw Man Sick of Being Attacked All the Time
By Scott Mendelssohn Oct. 24, 2012 Like many Americans, Ray Balgier is not pleased with this presidential election cycle. He, like a growing number of his peers, is a straw man, a group…
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Review: Wolfschmidt Genuine Vodka
By Matt Montequin Oct. 25, 2012 You may remember vodka from high school. All vodka is essentially rubbing alcohol, or so you thought on prom night. If you are a premium adult beverage…
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Romney/Ryan Fan-Fiction Hard for Campaign to Swallow
By Maya Handa Oct. 30, 2012 Presidential candidate Willard Mitt Romney and running mate Paul Something Folksy Ryan announced yesterday in a consensual press conference that they were deeply disturbed to have discovered…
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Studying Student Shares Intimate Vertical Moment With Mansueto Window Washer
By Chris Deakin Nov. 7, 2012 This Tuesday, at 10:45 a.m., a true and vertical bond was formed between second-year College student Ralph Stevenson and two-year Mansueto window-washing veteran Mike Howard.Time stood still…
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Cyclists on Quad: “We just can’t get off our bikes”
By Chris Deakin Nov. 7, 2012 A survey of Hyde Park bicycle riders released Friday has found that the majority are unable to get off of their bikes once they have entered the…
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University Classrooms Taken Over by That Kid Translations
By Kiara Nerenberg Nov. 7, 2012 A new wave of “uncommon-ness” has hit University of Chicago classrooms, this time in the form of rare textbook editions. At first, it was just a few…
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Arley D. Cathey Learning Center to become Arley D. Cathey Tropical Oasis
By Catherine Alvarez-McCurdy Nov. 7, 2012 At a recent press conference, Dean of the College John Boyer announced plans to transform the Arley D. Cathey Learning Center, formerly Harper Reading Room, into the…
