• MEETING INFO: Thursdays, 6 pm, Harper 145.
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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

read more
December 6, 2022
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

read more
November 16, 2020
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

read more
January 5, 2023
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

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April 19, 2021
  • Campus Life

    My Student Government Platform? More Hammocks

    Sam Nitkin / May 16, 2019
    read more
  • Campus Life,  Chicago Shady Dealer

    Dean Nondorf Returns to Cryo-Freezer as Prospie Season Ends

    Jack Toole / May 16, 2019
    read more
  • Off-Campus Life

    At Long Last: University Announces 36,000 Square Foot Wingers to Replace Treasure Island

    Chicago Shady Dealer / May 16, 2019
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Analyst Who Predicted Eight of the Last Ten Plagues Predicts Another

    / February 6, 2019
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Get Ripped Like A Hill Tribesman: Follow This New Workout and Diet Plan to Lose That Valley Dweller Flab

    / February 6, 2019
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Point/Counterpoint: The Invention of Calculus

    Rahul Gupta / February 6, 2019
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    My Love Life Was A Lot Better Before Glasses Were Invented

    John Buterbaugh / February 6, 2019
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Virgin Amoeba Threatened by Larger, More Handsome Chad Amoeba

    Mateo Garcia / February 6, 2019
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Advertisement: We Are Starting a Newspaper and It is Going to Be Great!

    Jack Toole / February 6, 2019
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    If Your Relationship Can Survive Smallpox, It Can Survive Anything

    Zakir Jamal / February 6, 2019
    read more
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