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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Kelly Lo

R.E Stern

Managing Editor

Kate Kaplin

Deputy Managing Editor

Andre Dang

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Copy Editors

Jacob Halabe

Maisie Thompson

Merrin Seegers

Photo Editor

Emilio Rosas Linhard

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected]

  • Off-Campus Life

    Trader Joe’s Introduces New Pumpkin-Spiced Toilet Bowl Cleaner

    Lena Birkholz and 1 more / November 2, 2022

    Customer response has already been overwhelmingly positive. “I always try to get into the mood of the season,” said one customer sporting a plaid shirt, a corduroy jacket, another corduroy jacket, rain boots,…

    read more
  • Off-Campus Life

    “Narcolepsy Cookies” Opens on 55th Street to Generally Terrible Reviews

    Charlie Weiler / April 21, 2021

    Krispy Kreme’s wildly popular Insomnia Cookies, a staple of college campuses nationwide, received word Saturday that a new sheriff was in town. Or maybe not. Sometimes, at least. He tends to sleep in.

    read more
  • Off-Campus Life

    On His Last Night, Prince Phillip Spotted Playing Pong, Hitting It Off with the Bros at AEPI

    Chicago Shady Dealer / April 14, 2021

    Anonymous tipsters claim that Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh, was seen at AEPI, a University of Chicago fraternity, during his last night on Earth. He is survived by a crumbling homeland Greek economy,…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer,  Off-Campus Life

    Frat Cites Disparities in Alcohol Access as Reason to Become Hazing-Optional

    Lukian Kling / March 5, 2021

    In an effort to boost the diversity of their first-year applicant pool, newly established fraternity Delta Iota Kappa has become hazing-optional. The choice comes amid a wave of other fraternities forego hazing requirements…

    read more
  • Off-Campus Life,  World Affairs

    Op-Ed: I am an Etsy Seller and I Paid More in Taxes Than Donald Trump

    Zakwan Khan / October 13, 2020

    For promotional purposes, I have chosen to identify myself by my Etsy account name, WorkFromHome123. The reason I have taken the time to write this piece is that I am absolutely irate that…

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  • Off-Campus Life

    At Long Last: University Announces 36,000 Square Foot Wingers to Replace Treasure Island

    Chicago Shady Dealer / May 16, 2019

    Per a report released earlier today, the University’s Office for Community Engagement announced that the former Treasure Island location will become the new Wingers location. Wingers, the much-beloved diner specializing in American cuisine,…

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  • Off-Campus Life

    Five Ways to Have a Great Girls Night In! (sponsored by New Target™ on 53rd)

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

      By Breck Radulovic Dec. 5, 2016 1. Deborah, 53, Hospital Administrator: I love popping into the nNew Target™ on 53rd after a long week at work. I’ll pick up a single-serving Marie…

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  • Off-Campus Life

    Area Subletter Fails Turing Test

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

      By Breck Radulovic April 20, 2017 Area Subletter Fails Turing Test Following her acceptance into a study abroad program in Vienna, University of Chicago second -year Allie Sullivan arranged to sublet her…

    read more

Read It and Weep

  • North Korea Wins Unprecedented 18th World Cup
  • Struggling in a Toxic Relationship? Try Being More Toxic
  • Point: I Wanna Step on the Reynolds Club Seal/ Counterpoint: I Want the Reynolds Club Seal to Step on Me
  • Op-Ed: Hey Stacy, Bring Your Mom to the Party Tomorrow
  • Point: I Can Fix Him/ Counterpoint: I Can Make Him Worse
  • BTS Members Disband for Good After Finding Their True Passion in the Military
  • Point: Hey Guys! Watch Me Do an Ollie on My Skateboard!/ Counterpoint: Uh Oh!
  • Oh Boys! Kevin Abstract Debuts Completely New Boy Band Also Called Brockhampton
  • MLA Edition 10 – 2022 Update
  • “Shut the Door on Your Ex” and Other Advice From Door Etiquette for Dummies

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