Historical Issue

Point/Counterpoint: The Invention of Calculus

Gottfried Leibniz Did Not Read Doing Honest Work in College

By Isaac Newton

Gottfried Leibniz is a lying plagiarist. I spent twenty freaking years toiling over my books and deriving mathematical equations, and this is how I get rewarded? I suffered so much, disemboweling counterfeiters for the Royal Mint and lying in bed in the hospital after having all the apples in an apple tree fall on my head one day, and then I wake up to this news. Seriously, a pious god-fearing mathematician like me shouldn’t have to wake up to this. I’m not asking for much. All I’m asking is that everyone recognize me as the progenitor of modern mathematics and physics. Shouldn’t be too hard, right?

I know all of you are going to “both sides” this: “Oooh, I can’t really decide…I guess both of them came up with calculus.” Codswallop! If that thief had just read Charles Lipson’s “Doing Honest Work in College,” he could have easily avoided humiliating himself and stealing my intellectual property. In Chapter 4, subheading C.22 (page 72), Lipson clearly states that “Any statements involving calculus, especially claims of inventing differential or integral calculus, should cite the recognized inventor and developer of calculus, Isaac Newton, e.g. (Newton 245)” (Lipson 72). See, not that hard, good yeomen. All you have to do is just cite me and not claim to invent calculus. I know Dr. Pangloss…excuse me, Herr Leibniz thinks we live in the best world of all possible worlds, but he won’t be thinking that when I’m done with him.

Isaac Newton Did Not Read Doing Honest Work in College

By Gottfried Leibniz

Isaac Newton is a lying plagiarist. I spent twenty freaking years toiling over my books and deriving mathematical equations, and this is how I get rewarded? I suffered so much, trying to prove that this world is the best of all possible worlds and explaining how the entire world is made up of these sketchy monad articles, and then I wake up to this news. Seriously, a pious god-fearing mathematician like me shouldn’t have to wake up to this. I’m not asking for much. All I’m asking is that everyone recognize me as the progenitor of modern mathematics and philosophy. Shouldn’t be too hard, right?

I know all of you are going to “both sides” this: “Oooh, I can’t really decide…I guess both of them came up with calculus.” Sauerkraut! If that thief had just read Charles Lipson’s “Doing Honest Work in College,” he could have easily avoided humiliating himself and stealing my intellectual property. In Chapter 4, subheading C.22 (page 72), Lipson clearly states that “Any statements involving calculus, especially claims of inventing differential or integral calculus, should cite the recognized inventor and developer of calculus, Gottfried Leibniz, e.g. (Leibniz 245)” (Lipson 72). See, not that hard, gentlemen. All you have to do is just cite me and not claim to invent calculus. I know Sir Coin Collector thinks he can just disembowel me like he does those poor English peasants, but we’ll see what monads he’s made of when I’m done.

Rahul Gupta

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