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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

read more
October 24, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

read more
January 5, 2023
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

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April 19, 2021
  • Historical Issue

    UChicago’s Football Dominance Will Never End!

    John Buterbaugh / February 6, 2019
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Romans So White They Only Salted Carthage

    Christian Villanueva / February 6, 2019
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    “Transportation Will Never Be More Convenient!” Says Man Who Made it to Oregon After Switching Family Four Times, Burying Alive Three Sons, and Contracting a Severe Case of Scurvy

    Harrison Weinstein / February 6, 2019
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    I Used a Martian as a Butt Plug and Now They All Want Revenge

    / February 6, 2019
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Dear Zorbak: What Do I Do With His Slime While We’re Phylopotastisizing?

    / February 6, 2019
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    How to Keep Bae from Smelling Your Chamber Pot

    Nico Aldape / February 6, 2019
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    God Needs a Damn Cigarette After Week Four

    Kevin O'Sullivan / February 6, 2019
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Word of the Week: Schadenfreude

    / February 3, 2019
    read more
  • kuvia
    Campus Life

    Forget Kuvia: Here are 8 Easy Ways to Get a Free T-Shirt on Campus

    / January 28, 2019
    read more
  • Campus Life

    “First Year Drops HUMA, Claims It Does Not ‘Spark Joy’”

    Emily Feigenbaum / January 28, 2019
    read more
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