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Editors in Chief

Kelly Lo

R.E Stern

Managing Editor

Kate Kaplin

Deputy Managing Editor

Andre Dang

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Copy Editors

Jacob Halabe

Maisie Thompson

Merrin Seegers

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected]

  • World Affairs

    Pope Francis Considering a 2024 Bid for Dalai Lama

    Christian Villanueva / August 5, 2022

    "Honestly, he’s tired of dealing with all of the minute Priest stuff. Being the Pope is a lot more giving out the eucharist and wearing a little hat and a lot less having…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Breaking: Your New Student Government

    Kelly Tsing Sum Lo and 2 more / April 25, 2022

    The Student Government elections are over, and the Shady Dealer has the scoop on the winners! In other news, we got arrested for breaking into the office of the Elections and Rules committee,…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Night Owls: Will It Be Cold This Winter?

    Christian Villanueva / February 15, 2022

    In exclusive, never before seen footage, the Dealer sits down with Agnes Callard to discuss whether or not we can expect it to be cold this Winter, among other things.    

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Data Driven Analysis of the Most Likely Wars Dean Boyer Will Liken to Getting into the University of Chicago at Convocation

    Christian Villanueva / September 24, 2021

    It’s that time of the year again: back to school sales are starting, temperatures are cooling, and college students across the country are preparing to return to campus for what they hope may…

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  • Lifestyle

    Op-Ed: Does Anyone Have Any Tips or Tricks?

    Christian Villanueva / November 8, 2020

    Hey guys, just wondering if anyone had a tip or trick I could use. Could be both (a tip and trick), but certainly not neither. I read the other day that you can…

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  • Scientific Excellence

    Top 10 Things Economists Think the Economy Is

    Christian Villanueva / November 4, 2020

    Recent reports have found that most economists believe that the economy will recover quite strongly following the world-ending novel coronavirus. While this sounds like good news, it should also be mentioned that these…

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  • Historical Issue

    Romans So White They Only Salted Carthage

    Christian Villanueva / February 6, 2019

    CARTHAGE, CARTHAGINIAN EMPIRE, 146 BC – Romans have finally conquered the city of Carthage in North Africa following a siege lasting over two years. Although a peace treaty was signed between the two…

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Read It and Weep

  • After Years of Confusion, PSI Decides to Just Become a Frat
  • Wanna Feel Better About Politics? Donate to These 4 Inspirational Democrats Running in Districts They Have No Chance Whatsoever of Winning
  • Woodlawn Announces Intramural Cockfighting League to Boost House Culture
  • Pope Francis Considering a 2024 Bid for Dalai Lama
  • Why is the Trolley Problem On My Econ P-Set, and What Did Y’all Get?
  • MAB Bans Non-Black Concertgoers from Saying N-Word at Summer Breeze, Causes Stir
  • Breaking: Your New Student Government
  • Sexy Jesus & Apoptles Rumble Time!!!
  • Four Complaints I Would Have About UChi-Con – If I Went, Which I Definitely Didn’t
  • Op-Ed from an Autistic Person: Why I Am Elated That I No Longer Have to Practice Masking

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