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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

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January 5, 2023
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

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April 19, 2021
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
  • Campus Life

    Sorority Girl Accidentally Summons Satan During COB Event

    Anna Katz / November 10, 2020
    read more
  • Lifestyle

    Op-Ed: Does Anyone Have Any Tips or Tricks?

    Christian Villanueva / November 8, 2020
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Phil the Phoenix Eats Child

    Chicago Shady Dealer Newsdesk / November 7, 2020
    read more
  • Politics

    In Election Day Twist, Texas Turns Blue

    Gate Silver / November 6, 2020
    read more
  • Campus Life

    In Bid for Respectability, Theta Becomes Cult

    Audrey Scott / November 5, 2020
    read more
  • Scientific Excellence

    Top 10 Things Economists Think the Economy Is

    Christian Villanueva / November 4, 2020
    read more
  • Politics

    Have You Voted Yet, You Fucking Bastards?

    David Axelrod / November 3, 2020
    read more
  • Politics

    CANDIDATE Wins Presidency

    Chicago Shady Dealer / November 3, 2020
    read more
  • Politics

    I Voted 8 Times and All UChivotes Gave Me Was This Lousy T Shirt

    Isaac Murrell / November 3, 2020
    read more
  • Politics

    Trump Decries Identity Politics in Last-ditch Appeal to Balding Blue-collar Midwestern White Men Aged 40-65

    Trae Falgar-Crostabbs / November 2, 2020
    read more
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