Politics

Have You Voted Yet, You Fucking Bastards?

You miscreants, you fucking econ majors — you haven’t fucking voted yet, have you. I bet you dick-breathed, ass-brained nut-rags haven’t even looked up your polling places. You disgust me.

The world is falling apart and you scum sucking mouth breathers can’t be bothered to fill in a scantron. You’re the reason democracy is dying, you six-toed, spineless enlightened centrist. Mutual respect is not gonna dig us out of this dumpster-truck ass of a hole we’re in, you clown-nosed freak — you need to go outside, stand in a line, and vote. You think millions of people died in trenches so you could do your little protest with no vote? Are the fates of hundreds of millions of lives not enough to get off your flat ass? It has literally never been easier to participate in the old man contest, you buck-toothed bitch. They could have mailed your scantron to your door with instructions that even your two neurons could have understood, and you still wouldn’t have done it. So now you have one day left to do the most basic civic duty expected of a nation’s citizens, and it’s still not a given that you’ll go, you shriveled urethra.

No, you’re just gonna jack off and retweet something vaguely political or share a pastel-background Instagram story about some shit you pretend to care about to seem like you aren’t the enormous ass that you are. I bet you shit all over your toilet seat and don’t clean it up. You couldn’t be more of a plastic bag if you tried. So get up, get dressed (probably for the first time this week), and go fill in some chud’s name so that I can go to the fucking doctor the next time I’m sick, you fucking cyst.

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