Biden Launches Post-Presidency Career as Sommelier
Former President Joseph R. Biden announced on Tuesday that he would be beginning the next chapter of his career as a sommelier at an upscale New York restaurant.
“Listen, Jack,” the ex-president told reporters, none of whom were named Jack. “The fact of the matter is this. I did a lot of reflecting after that election. And my big realization was that politics just wasn’t for me anymore. Politics is really depressing and stressful. You know what’s not depressing and stressful? Presenting the fine-dining public with a veritable cornucopia of Merlots, Chardonnays, and White Zinfandels. That’s what it’s all about, Jack.”
Mr. Biden refused to specify, however, what restaurant he would be working at. “That’s for me to know and you to wine-d out. See what I did there? ‘Wine-d out’? That’s a little wine pun for you. When I’m a sommelier, my thing is going to be wine puns. I’m hoping that within a few years people will even forget that I was ever president. I’m hoping they’ll just know me as the sommelier who loves to pun.”
Griffin is co-editor-in-chief for this paper, and was born early in the morning.
