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Math Department Discovers New Highest Number
A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest number, 87381.
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Nobody Ever Talks About How Great John Wilkes Booth Was as King Lear
In our modern political climate, we tend to judge the figures of our history through one defining action. For Abraham Lincoln, that would be the Emancipation Proclamation. For Thomas Jefferson, the Declaration of…
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Joe Biden May Have Won the 2020 Election, but I’m Still Addicted to Porn
I know that we can all rest our hopes in Kamala and Joe. But, I also know I still struggle with pornography addiction.
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The Top 4 Chicago Thinkers: Number 3 Will Shock You!
The Chicago Thinker thinks their writers do the best thinking out of anyone. Today we pay homage to The Chicago Thinker and its team of Thinkers™, by honouring some of their influences --…
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Sorority Girl Accidentally Summons Satan During COB Event
Gracie, a prospective classics major, had accidentally gotten her copy of Dante’s “Divine Comedy” mixed up with the 666-page New Member Education booklet distributed to the girls the week before.
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Op-Ed: Does Anyone Have Any Tips or Tricks?
Hey guys, just wondering if anyone had a tip or trick I could use. Could be both (a tip and trick), but certainly not neither. I read the other day that you can…
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Phil the Phoenix Eats Child
In an unwelcome addition to an already stressful week of exams and papers, beloved UChicago mascot Phil the Phoenix is reported to have recently eaten a child.
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In Election Day Twist, Texas Turns Blue
November 3rd, 2020 has been a historic day for many reasons, not least because of a historic break with conventional election wisdom. For the first time since 1976, Texas has voted blue. A Pew…
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In Bid for Respectability, Theta Becomes Cult
Following years of racism and discrimination, this UChicago sorority is shaking things up. In their most recent grab for respectability, Kappa Alpha Theta has decided on a bold new direction for their sisterhood:…
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Top 10 Things Economists Think the Economy Is
Recent reports have found that most economists believe that the economy will recover quite strongly following the world-ending novel coronavirus. While this sounds like good news, it should also be mentioned that these…
