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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

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January 5, 2023
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

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December 6, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

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April 19, 2021
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Survey: Math Department Unaware Gerald Ford No Longer President

    R.E. Stern / January 20, 2021
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    The Secret Experiment in the Basement of the Lab School? Aidan Gallagher Clones.

    Anna Katz / January 17, 2021
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Victoria’s Secret Remains Supportive despite COVID-19 Regulations

    Nell Rydzewski / January 13, 2021
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    How to Prep for Civil War

    Rod and Tom Ato / January 6, 2021
    read more
  • 8=Democracy

    The Dealer’s Georgia Runoff Election Forecasts

    R.E. Stern / January 1, 2021
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    “Come to Us, O Ancient One, Seize Your Birthright” Chant Hooded CNN Producers, Summoning Anderson Cooper for NYE Show

    A Furloughed Personal Assistant / December 31, 2020
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Every Time You Say “Happy Holidays” Instead of “Merry Christmas”, Something Bad Happens, But We’re Not Sure What

    Rahul Gupta / December 25, 2020
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Volume 17 Issue 2

    Diego Matamoros / December 17, 2020
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  • Lifestyle

    OP- ED: What am I Thankful for? Being Hot

    Paris Texas Hilton / November 26, 2020
    read more
  • Lifestyle

    How to Make the Perfect Un-mashed Potatoes for Thanksgiving

    Ross Shapiro / November 25, 2020
    read more
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