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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Griffin Bonnin Jones, Andrea Zhou

Managing Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Deputy Managing Editor

Vivian Psylos

Layout Editor

Justin Bilenker

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    When the world needed it most, Datamatch Returns!

    Deblina Mukherjee and 1 more / February 6, 2021

    It’s been a year. What? It’s only February? Well between attempted coups and unstable internet connections, we here at the Chicago Shady Dealer have had our hands full. Not full enough to forget…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Volume 17 Issue 2

    Diego Matamoros / December 17, 2020

    [pdf-embedder url=”https://chicagoshadydealer.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/volume17issue2-1.pdf” title=”volume17issue2 (1)”]

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Night Owls Presents: Will it be Cold This Winter?

    Diego Matamoros / October 28, 2020

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Coronavirus isn’t a big deal, it’ll be gone by Easter, I’ll be right eventually, it is what it is; Trump Contracts Coronavirus

    Diego Matamoros / October 3, 2020

    From the bottom of our hearts, we, the Editorial Staff at the Chicago Shady Dealer, have only this to say: wow, what a BORE this year has been. Truly, how uneventful. It started…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Volume 17 Issue 1

    Diego Matamoros / October 1, 2020

    [pdf-embedder url=”https://chicagoshadydealer.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/volume17issue1.pdf”]

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Volume 16 Issue 6

    Diego Matamoros / August 14, 2020

    [pdf-embedder url=”https://chicagoshadydealer.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/volume16issue6-2.pdf” title=”volume16issue6 (2)”]

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Incoming Horace Mann Student: “Aww Shucks, the Big City at Last!”

    Diego Matamoros / October 6, 2019

    When Billy Bob Worthington got off the greyhound bus straight from his sleepy little town in Midtown Manhattan, he could hardly believe his eyes. “Awww shucks, the Big City at last!” He proclaimed…

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Read It and Weep

  • Point: Dining halls should strive to incorporate healthier cereals. Counterpoint: You can pry the Lucky Charms out of my cold, dead hands, bitch!
  • President Trump Declared Dead after Not Posting on Truth Social for 5 Seconds
  • Sorry! The Required Class for Your Major is Only Available to Fourth-Years with at Least Two Dead Parents.
  • Millions of Souls Stuck in Limbo as Heaven Undergoes Maintenance
  • Viktor Orbán Wins Bid for USG President
  • We Should Do This Thing, Says Guy Who Just Doesn’t Fucking Get It
  • Woodlawn to host a bake sale to raise money for new carpet! Cupcakes $20,000 each
  • Your Old Humanities Paper Appears in Epstein Files
  • Mini-Crossword
  • Calculus Textbook Explains Trigonometry as “IDK🤷”

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