• MEETING INFO: Thursdays, 6 pm, Harper 145.
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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

read more
January 5, 2023
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

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December 6, 2022
  • Scientific Excellence

    Yay Humans! ChatGPT Revealed to be Extremely Bored, Knowledgeable Guy

    Griffin Bonnin Jones / March 4, 2023
    read more
  • Lifestyle

    How to Butcher Your Favorite Childhood Chicken

    Rokko Stoopenlooper / March 3, 2023
    read more
  • Campus Life

    So You Have a Big Dick? Here Are 6 Better Ways to Prove It Than Going to a Gun Range With the College Republicans

    Nico Aldape / March 2, 2023
    read more
  • Campus Life

    What Your Favorite Coffee Shop Says About You

    Lena Birkholz / March 2, 2023
    read more
  • Politics

    Lightfoot Promises 4-Hour CTA Delays “Only Some of the Time”

    Griffin Bonnin Jones / March 1, 2023
    read more
  • Lifestyle

    The Perils of Being Paid $8000 a Month (By Your Parents)

    Thud Junkley V / February 28, 2023
    read more
  • Arts & Culture

    Inspirational! The Hunters and Taxidermists That Jim Henson Forced to Make the Muppets Are Finally Demanding Fair Recognition for Their Work

    Anonymous / February 28, 2023
    read more
  • Campus Life

    New Humanities Core Sequence for STEM Majors Will Teach Punctuation

    Aman Majumdar / February 25, 2023
    read more
  • Politics

    Orthodox and Catholic Churches Reunite, Citing “Reconcilable Differences”

    Griffin Bonnin Jones / February 24, 2023
    read more
  • Campus Life

    International House Students Steal Thousands of Maroon Dollars from University Dining

    Evan Avery / February 23, 2023
    read more
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