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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

read more
December 6, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

read more
January 5, 2023
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
  • Campus Life

    University Hires New Neubauer Family Assistant Associate Vice Admiral Director of Rigorous Professional Academic Engagement, Inquiry, and Hijinks

    Edward A. Meyer / February 8, 2023
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Announcing the Shady Dealer’s Datamatch 2023

    Chicago Shady Dealer / February 6, 2023
    read more
  • Arts & Culture

    New Report Casts Doubt on George Santos’ Claim to Danish Throne

    Griffin Bonnin Jones / February 3, 2023
    read more
  • Campus Life

    North Resident With “Eyesore” View of Max P Self-Proclaimed “Most Oppressed on Campus”

    Lacey Calburn / February 2, 2023
    read more
  • Campus Life

    I’m 40, I Teach Here, and I Just Messaged You on Tinder

    Prof. Keith Lormp / February 1, 2023
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Op-Ed: This New Provost Will Fix Everything!

    Katherine Phillips / January 30, 2023
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Provost Argues against Atoms Unionizing to Form Bonds

    Justin Ben-Zene / January 30, 2023
    read more
  • World Affairs

    North Korea Wins Unprecedented 18th World Cup

    William Foster / January 27, 2023
    read more
  • Sex and Love

    Struggling in a Toxic Relationship? Try Being More Toxic

    Chicago Shady Dealer Newsdesk / January 26, 2023
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Point: I Wanna Step on the Reynolds Club Seal/ Counterpoint: I Want the Reynolds Club Seal to Step on Me

    Chicago Shady Dealer Newsdesk / January 25, 2023
    read more
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