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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

read more
December 6, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

read more
November 30, 2022
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

read more
January 5, 2023
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

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April 19, 2021
  • Politics

    Obama to Appear in Kent 107 for Guest Organic Chemistry Lecture

    Chicago Shady Dealer Newsdesk / March 25, 2023
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Third-Year Admitted to Prestigious No-Fly List

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 24, 2023
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Candace Owens Spotted Outside Reg Begging for Male Validation

    Chicago Shady Dealer Newsdesk / March 23, 2023
    read more
  • Campus Life

    UChicago Reluctantly Agrees to Stop Holding Arson Classes

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 22, 2023
    read more
  • Campus Life

    “How Much Worse Could It Get?” Baker and Cathey Dining Commons to Close

    Cassie Fischer / March 21, 2023
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Area Sim Starts Fire by Making Salad

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 20, 2023
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    “Adderall Bear” Attacks Class, Destroys Curve

    Justin Bilenker / March 19, 2023
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Professor Allen Sanderson Makes Inspiring Debut at UChiCon

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 18, 2023
    read more
  • Campus Life

    “Perspective for Difficult Times”: An Oral History of UChicago’s Most Infamous Administrative Email

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 17, 2023
    read more
  • Sex and Love

    Self-Proclaimed World’s Tallest Man Just Matched with You on Tinder

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2023
    read more
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