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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

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January 5, 2023
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

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December 6, 2022
  • World Affairs

    Zoo Animal Productivity at Record Low

    Griffin Bonnin Jones / May 11, 2023
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Senioritis Overtakes COVID as Dominant Viral Infection on Campus

    Andre Dang and 1 more / May 10, 2023
    read more
  • World Affairs

    Divinity School Discovers New, ‘12% Holier’ God

    R.E. Stern / May 9, 2023
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Local Dog Arrested for Practicing as Therapy Dog without License

    Katherine Reynolds / May 9, 2023
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Missing: Half an Assistant

    Chicago Shady Dealer / May 7, 2023
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Op-Ed: What if We Hide in the Trees Instead of Marching in a Huge Formation?

    Chicago Shady Dealer / May 6, 2023
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Grunk Invent Weapon, Nation Frighten

    Chicago Shady Dealer / May 5, 2023
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Romanian Government Ranks Safest Campus Bathrooms

    Chicago Shady Dealer / May 5, 2023
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Man Founds City of Pompeii in Scenic Location

    Chicago Shady Dealer / May 4, 2023
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Op-Ed: This New Duke Will Fix Everything

    Edward A. Meyer / May 4, 2023
    read more
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