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Point: I Can Fix Him/ Counterpoint: I Can Make Him Worse
Beneath his hard exterior and the many demeaning comments he makes about all my female friends, I can see a sensitive man who only occasionally tells me I’m worthless.
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BTS Members Disband for Good After Finding Their True Passion in the Military
“It will allow me to travel the world and see my fans!”
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Point: Hey Guys! Watch Me Do an Ollie on My Skateboard!/ Counterpoint: Uh Oh!
Josh, grab my phone and text that girl I’ve been talking to. Yeah, Ashley. Tell her to get over here. Tell her it’s the hill by Alex’s house.
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Oh Boys! Kevin Abstract Debuts Completely New Boy Band Also Called Brockhampton
“Brockhampton,” named after the Texas town where they met, features fellow youngsters Merlyn Wood, Joba, Bearface, and the cryogenically frozen head of John Lennon.
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MLA Edition 10 – 2022 Update
Stale prose, no more; now poetry, galore And lines with double spaces we ignore
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“Shut the Door on Your Ex” and Other Advice From Door Etiquette for Dummies
The TA who gave you a bad grade last quarter: blockade the doorway and take a nap so they can’t get through.
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University Introduces Mandatory ‘Cool’ Nicknames for Places on Campus
By our calculations, the average UChicago student wastes three hours every day speaking out the names of various campus buildings in monotonous compliance.
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Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself
Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that he went to…
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Top 5 Things That I Just Found in Your Backpack
Ever since I “stole” your “backpack” from “Calc 152” it’s been alllllll you’ve been wanting to talk about.
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Panicked Republicans Nominate Gun-Toting Muppet for Speaker of the House
According to Capitol Hill sources, McCarthy is currently meeting with the remaining twenty Republican holdouts. Large carts of pizza were wheeled into the meeting room, pushed by suspiciously scantily-clad male servers.
