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O-Week Ball Pit Surprisingly Fun
The University describes the ball pit as “an epic mix of adventure, play, and adrenaline” that features friendly, familiar characters such as Batguy (no relation), Mikey Mouse (no relation), and Georg Wilhelm Friedrich…
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First-Year in SOSC Class Somehow Smarter Than Every Philosopher
HARPER 124 –18-year-old Don Sumbons, a first-year from Indiana, is apparently smarter than every single philosopher that he read in his section of Power, Identity, Resistance. Sumbons, who goes by “Donny Boy,” says…
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Wow! Guy in Your CIV Class Really Can’t Solve That Crossword
Last Wednesday, students in Jewish Civilizations II observed an anonymous second-year working on a crossword for what can only be described as an extraordinary amount of time.
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Study Finds Writing Workshop Feedback from Kyle “Unhelpful”
A study conducted in Beginner’s Poetry Workshop has ultimately declared feedback from Kyle, a student in the Monday/Wednesday section, to be ineffective at improving the quality of the work of a fellow student,…
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UChicago’s Most Eligible Bachelor Found to be “Escaped Specimen” From UChicago Medicine
The women of UChicago were in for a sexy surprise Thursday when “Dangred McPhee,” a human-like bird, escaped from his research enclosure.
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Study Finds Bite Magazine Not Edible
A new report from the Journal of the Human Dietary, found that UChicago’s most prominent culinary magazine is not edible. The study, published last Wednesday, used over 300 “community testers.” The experiment was…
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10 Things to Say When Someone Asks What You Did This Summer
5. “I tried to apply for jobs but I spilled a huge cup of Dr. Pepper on my laptop.” Might as well be honest.
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7 Things to Post on Your Insta Story to Let Your High School Friends Know You Go to Alcohol Parties Now
4- Drinking a single White Claw in the house lounge with the caption “menace hours” This isn’t like high school menace hours; this is menace hours with White Claw Hard Seltzer Surge: Natural…
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Summer Internship Spotlight: “I Worked for A Guy Who Played the Kool-Aid Man in Commercials 20 Years Ago”
Glass found McBrownton on Craigslist, where he had posted an ad that read “HELP ME HELP ME PLEASE. I am a famous TV star.” Glass, who was reportedly “getting desperate” in the search…
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Radium Punch at Glow Party Causes Controversy
HENRY CROWN FIELD HOUSE – Chaos ensued at the O-Week “Glow Party” last Friday after the glow-in-the-dark punch was found by UCPD to contain traces of radium. The historic UChicago Glow Party, known…
