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Cardboard Cutouts to Replace Contestants in New, Alternative Beauty Pageant
Visionary Mark Knockoff has recently invented the newest, hottest form of beauty pageants: Cardboard Pageants. The new pageant is designed to challenge traditional notions of beauty, like the norm around not being made…
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Report: Human Nature Primarily Driven by Love, Not Fear
A recent study published by Dr. Sarah Whippoor has reached a fascinating conclusion: the human soul is controlled by love rather than fear.
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Dining Halls Offer Water Only As of Winter
The spokesperson for this committee asserted that “a healthy amount of hydrogen and oxygen atoms will enter the student’s stomach instead of the sugar they inhale all the time.” She asked us to…
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New Paid Internship Program Charges Students Instead of Paying Them
Overjoyed second-year student Tyler Dinheiro bragged, “It’s only $50 for a criminal law internship in Atlantis. Of course I accepted immediately.” This amount of money is, in fact, incredibly low; most paid internships…
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MLA Edition 10 – 2022 Update
Stale prose, no more; now poetry, galore And lines with double spaces we ignore
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Point: An Apple a Day Keeps the Doctor Away/ Counterpoint: So Does a Knife
I had to go again because of an accidental stab wound, and they even said I could “leave the premises immediately” when I took my knife out.
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Seven Signs Your Roommate’s Parents Definitely Have a Wikipedia Page
They use “network” as a verb. “I had a great time with you tonight. How about we reconvene and rendezvous for a little networking sesh at Nobu next week?” This is not a…
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Top 5 Ways to Brag About Your ACT Score
As clumsy human beings, all of us have tripped over our own feet before. Therefore, it should be no shock when you hit a lamppost or fall over unexpectedly. Ensure that your head…
