“Most of today’s youth listen to music like “Hot Cross Buns,” or “Pine Top’s Boogie Woogie”. They couldn’t power a tossup about the 18th century composer Joseph Martin Kraus if their life depended…

Back when I was a kid, we went outside and played. We ate Grandma’s lead paint. We sprayed radium pesticides at each other. We lived in the moment.

Some people are born to eat dumplings fed to them by quaking peasants from a silver platter, and other people are all of you.

According to a recent source, Cyde was last seen hoarding the grain and proclaiming it all belonged to him, citing his divine revelation of “social hierarchy.”

“Vqzwj”- This directly translates to “I enjoy eating birdshit.”

LMAO (Let’s Make Alcohol Outside)

Shoot the pigeons. This one is pretty self explanatory. Dead birds tell no tales, and shooting a few should send a message to others to stay away.

"It would be a vast improvement over the classic children’s game of rock, rock, rock."

The scientists who have compiled this list have not publicly revealed their methods, but an inside source claims it was done through a highly advanced scientific process known as “trial and error.”

Ultimately, we found that the story is fairly unrealistic, with a deeply unrelatable protagonist “God” isolating the audience from the other characters, which we ultimately come to know and love.