Home
Online Only
About Us
Previous Issues
Our Greatest Hits
Submissions

Home
Online Only
About Us
Previous Issues
Our Greatest Hits
Submissions

Masthead

Editors in Chief

Griffin Bonnin Jones, Andrea Zhou

Managing Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Deputy Managing Editor

Vivian Psylos

Layout Editor

Justin Bilenker

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Masthead

Editors in Chief

Griffin Bonnin Jones, Andrea Zhou

Managing Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Deputy Managing Editor

Vivian Psylos

Layout Editor

Justin Bilenker

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life

The Three Sub-Schools of UChicago

March 28, 2026 /

Judge M. Ental

+ postsBio

By Judge M. Ental

Read It and Weep

Biden Launches Post-Presidency Career as Sommelier
Point: Let Women Vote/ Counterpoint: What’s Next, Letting Women Tie Me to a Billiard Table and Pour Mercury on My Genitals?
Karl Marx Mistaken for Marx Brother, to Star in Duck Soup
God Gets Abraham Real Good for April Fool’s Day
In Lieu of My Thesis, Would You Like a Bunch of Random Whale Facts?
de’ Medici Family Plans New Restaurant Venture in “Hyde Park, Chicago”
Four startups and products that are guaranteed to fail
Point: Maybe you need to feed the people? Counterpoint: But what about my golden rotating statue?
Top 5 Yummy Political Leaders to Consume
Mourning The Molassacre

Chicago Shady Dealer

Home
Online Only
About Us
Previous Issues
Our Greatest Hits
Submissions

Facebook
Twitter
Instagram

Home
Online Only
About Us
Previous Issues
Our Greatest Hits
Submissions

Ashe Theme by WP Royal.

Judge M. Ental

You May Also Like

UChicago Admissions Requires That Applicants Shove Squirrels up Their Asses

First-Year in SOSC Class Somehow Smarter Than Every Philosopher

Ranking All the Friends I Made During Autumn Quarter