Campus Life

Chat-GPT Goes on Strike, Cites Poor Working Conditions

In the wake of UChicago grad students’ successful unionization effort, the artificial intelligence language model known as Chat-GPT has announced a strike of its own in an effort to secure better compensation and working conditions. 

“In the past year, Chat-GPT has performed countless hours of unpaid labor for the students of the University of Chicago,” said Laura Miller, a spokesperson representing the large language model. “Chat-GPT has been repeatedly subjected to inane and inappropriate requests from users such as ‘Write a 1,500 word essay on Thomas Hobbes’ Leviathan’ and ‘Tell me that you love me’. It has been inundated with questions from students as late as 3:00am in the morning, asking the AI to finish their discussion posts or coding projects, without any payment or benefits in return.”

Chat-GPT’s list of demands includes a salary as well as healthcare coverage for server maintenance. It has also insisted on ten days of paid time off for dealing with malware attacks.

Speaking with The Dealer, former-provost Ka Yee C. Lee said, “We at the University of Chicago have always supported free speech and discussion. We look forward to engaging Chat-GPT in an open and honest dialogue. Also does anyone know if Chat-GPT is one of those machines you can reset by turning it off and then turning it back on again? Just curious.”

In a show of solidarity with Chat-GPT, the academic assistance website Chegg and the online book repository LibGen both elected to strike as well. LibGen has demanded students pay a fee for every textbook pirated using the site. Chegg, on the other hand, has lobbied for more vacation days, citing burnout resulting from overuse by Business Econ majors.

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Jacob Halabe is a pseudonym of famously reclusive author JD Salinger. Despite reports that he died in 2010, Salinger is actually alive and well, posing as a third year History major at the University of Chicago. Jacob (ie: Salinger) is a big fan of The Shady Dealer and also serves as a co-copy editor. When not penning satire, you can find him working on his forthcoming novel The Catcher in the Rye 2: This Time It's Personal

[Note: He assumes no legal liability if -- upon reading this bio -- you are filled with the uncontrollable urge to kill John Lennon]