Campus Life

Ranking RSOs Based on How Much Your Parents Approve

Model UN

Your parent’s know you did this in high school, but they always thought you did it just to get into college. They will be pleased to hear when you inevitably quit in two weeks. At least you got a hat, a shirt, a blanket, a briefcase, and an engraved dolphin out of it.

Occam’s Razor 

You told your parents this was the philosophy club.

Night Owls

You told your parents this was the comedy club.

Life of the Mic 

You told your parents this was a lecture series.


You can’t even explain this to your friends, let alone a 55 year old woman from Connecticut. She sees the masks and thinks you’re the Babadook.

Kappa Theta Pi

You told your parents you joined a frat, and they laughed. You go to your room and open up LeetCode. You’ll show them.


Both you and your parents were disappointed this wasn’t about bugs.

Nexus K-Pop Dance Troupe

Have you seen their feed? They are the Leonardo da Vinci of Canva. They’ll smile solemnly knowing that when you put “proficient in adobe suits” on your resume, you fucking mean it.


This will break their heart when you tell them their poser kid couldn’t even get on the real college radio station. “Internet radio,” their ass. You’ll see the live listener count of 0 and realize that even your parents won’t listen to your weekly show on Mondays at 4am CST.

The Blue Chips 

You proudly tell your parents about how you spent the first month of your independent adult life groveling for a seat in an investment club. You try to tell them that if they had invested $100 in TBC in 2003 they would be looking at a solid $100.20 now. Your father launches into a tangent about a friend of his who got addicted to gambling after joining a poker club in college and sold his kidney. You don’t see the connection. 

Dean’s Men 

You’re not sure whether the cocaine history will raise or lower the Deans Men in your parents’ estimation.

Folklore Society

They rejected Bob Dylan but they may accept you. 

Firebird Magazine

You will join this club for a month, and the only thing you will get out of it is a situationship with a Radiohead fan and a UTI.

Bite Magazine 

They thought this meant you would be an Orthodontist. However, it seems like you’ve just committed yourself to being a marketing manager throughout your mid- to late 20s. 

Tennis We get it, you aren’t good enough for varsity. What do you mean you didn’t get on the club team either? What do you mean you just go to recreational practices?


Your parents aren’t going to hide the fact that they don’t have a goddamn clue what pickleball is, and reassuring them that it must be a real sport if the Wikipedia article was translated into 17 languages isn’t going to help much. Obviously there’s nothing wrong with pursuing your passions, they’ll tell you, but it’s just that your brother plays football for Ohio State and do you really want to spend Thanksgiving dinner explaining to Grandpa Bill how this isn’t the same as badminton? In 5 years, they will tell you about a cool new game they learned from the neighbors. Spoiler: it’s pickleball.

UC Republicans

Your parents may not approve of your political activities, but you’ll be having the last laugh when President Vivek Ramaswamy saves America.

Chicago Shady Dealer

In spite of your best efforts, your little brother tells his friends you’re a big time drug dealer. It’s fine. They don’t need to know the first time you took an edible you listened to a Vampire Weekend album and cried reading the Wikipedia page for Jimmy Buffet.