• MEETING INFO: Thursdays, 6 pm, Harper 145.
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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

read more
November 30, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

read more
April 19, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

read more
December 6, 2022
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

read more
January 5, 2023
  • Campus Life

    New “germinAte” Startup Empowers Students to Buy & Sell Grades

    Luke Laurence / September 3, 2022
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Rating the Old, White Men I’ve Read in SOSC Based on Their Abilities to Make a Woman Orgasm

    Jacqueline Proshans / September 2, 2022
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Local Business Spotlight: Looking for a Cheap Coat? This Entrepreneur Has a Large Selection That Is Definitely Not Stolen from Alpha Delt

    Lena Birkholz and 2 more / August 31, 2022
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Review: Locking Your Belt Closed With a Padlock (Then Forgetting Its Combination)

    Kenneth Moss / August 29, 2022
    read more
  • Campus Life

    UChicago Admissions Requires That Applicants Shove Squirrels up Their Asses

    Henry Mackall / August 26, 2022
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Five Ways to Avoid the Mysterious Wizard Who Wants to Turn You Into a Dove

    R.E. Stern and 1 more / August 24, 2022
    read more
  • Politics

    Congress Announces Long Term Plan to Create More Fossil Fuels by Fast Tracking Anthropogenic Extinctions

    Christian Villanueva / August 22, 2022
    read more
  • Arts & Culture

    Coming to Disney+ in 2027: The Unbelievable True Story of the Man Who Trained Birds to Sell Opioids

    R.E. Stern and 2 more / August 19, 2022
    read more
  • Lifestyle

    Op-Ed: Don’t You Know Who My Dad is?!

    Robert UPenn III / August 17, 2022
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Allen Sanderson Becomes Sociologist by Light of Full Moon

    Maynard Oster / August 15, 2022
    read more
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