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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

read more
January 5, 2023
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

read more
December 6, 2022
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
  • Lifestyle

    Report: Wrong Person Shirtless at Point

    Chicago Shady Dealer / April 4, 2023
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Writing Tutor Too Uncomfortable to Kick Out Couple Making Out in Cubicle

    Chicago Shady Dealer / April 3, 2023
    read more
  • Campus Life

    University Introduces Brand-New Career Adviser Adviser Position

    Chicago Shady Dealer / April 2, 2023
    read more
  • Campus Life

    RH Family Adopts Dog “To Rub it in Students’ Faces”

    Chicago Shady Dealer / April 1, 2023
    read more
  • Arts & Culture

    New Startup Matches Douchebags to African Safari Animals They Can Kill

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 31, 2023
    read more
  • Issues

    Report: Guy Still Fucking Talking

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 30, 2023
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Wow! First-Year in SOSC Sure Knows a Lot about Hunter Biden’s Laptop

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 29, 2023
    read more
  • Campus Life

    University to Open “Dumb Museum” in Interest of Hearing Both Sides

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 28, 2023
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Econ Department Scraps Plans to Include ‘Compassion’ Requirement in Business Track

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 27, 2023
    read more
  • World Affairs

    Landmark Study Finds You Responsible for 80% of Global Carbon Emissions

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 26, 2023
    read more
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