Third-Year Admitted to Prestigious No-Fly List

HYDE PARK — Yet another UChicago scholar has earned placement on one of the nation’s most elite registries, the University announced Monday, revealing that third-year student Stu Kinplace had been named to the 2023 federal no-fly list.

Kinplace earned his place on the list by using ChatGPT for a SOSC paper, an act which saw him summarily expelled from the university. “We recommended Stu for this amazing opportunity because of his incredible outside-of-the-box thinking,” said Dean of Students Jay Ellison. “Using Artificial Intelligence to advocate for domestic terrorism is no small feat, and though we stand by our decision to evacuate campus the day he submitted his paper, we are incredibly proud to have him as student emeritus.”

Said Kinplace, “This is quite an honor and I’m proud to be among the few to make the cut. Of all the no-fly lists I could get into, this was my top choice.” Kinplace also noted that the permanent ban from U.S. airports would help him abstain from “compelling thoughts of opening the emergency door mid-flight.”