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Senator Asks TikTok CEO How to Do Renegade Dance
“How should I move my elbows? Like this?” inquired Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas).
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Harry Styles Showcases New Gender-Defying Steelhead Trout Dress
Another said “I think it was supposed to be an environmental statement or something, but I think he just wanted an excuse to wear fish guts."
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Call Him Forrest Gump: Second Year Lands Dream Internship Working on a Super Prestigious Shrimping Boat
Johnson spoke passionately about the opportunities presented in the shrimp boat industry that will allow him to make ample use of his Slavic Studies major, Biology minor.
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How to Support Pedestrians This Pedestrian Safety Week
Rob your nearest thrift store to provide bright clothing for the pedestrians.
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Report: Jesus to Take It Easy This Easter
It was not immediately clear what the announcement meant for the world’s 1.3 billion Catholics, who will be relying on Jesus to be literally present in the Eucharist on Easter Sunday.
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Second, Much-Nicer Couch Found Between Cushions of House Lounge Couch
While cleaning out the couch in its house lounge Thursday, residents of Markovitz House were shocked to discover an object lodged between its cushions: a second, much-nicer couch.
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Ron Desantis Slams “Gay Ass” Rainbow Fish Book
“I think it’s disgusting that our kids are reading about a limp-wristed fish on the taxpayer’s dime,” DeSantis stated.
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10 Things to Do in SOSC That Will Send a Message to the Guy That Ghosted You
Say, “Yeah Marx actually said that capitalism has torn the family apart. I guess I can relate to that,” and look over semi-wistfully.
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“I’m Such A Klepto,” Says White Girl Stealing Banana From Baker
“I can’t even, guys. This morning, I turned my stove all the way up. I’m such a pyro, you guys.”
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Report: Wrong Person Shirtless at Point
"He did it all in one go, and only with one hand. It was so smooth, it almost made up for the sweat stains."
