• MEETING INFO: Thursdays, 6 pm, Harper 145.
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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

read more
December 6, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

read more
April 19, 2021
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

read more
January 5, 2023
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Guy at RSO Fair Uncomfortably Eager for You to Join His Club

    Jacob Halabe / October 6, 2024
    read more
  • Campus Life

    O-Week Ball Pit Surprisingly Fun

    Maisie Thompson / October 4, 2024
    read more
  • Campus Life

    First-Year in SOSC Class Somehow Smarter Than Every Philosopher

    Maisie Thompson / October 3, 2024
    read more
  • Politics

    Vice Presidential Debate Goes Pretty Smoothly

    Justin Bilenker / October 1, 2024
    read more
  • Campus Life,  Chicago Shady Dealer

    “Of Course I Drank in High School” Says First-Year Attempting to Open Beer

    Jacob Halabe / October 1, 2024
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Mozart Annihilates Beethoven in Searing New Diss Track “Piano Sonata No. 9”

    Chicago Shady Dealer / June 5, 2024
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Ask Senator McCarthy: Is My Mom Communist?

    Chicago Shady Dealer / June 5, 2024
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Who Is This Man With Opposable Thumbs and Why Is He So Much Better Than the Rest of Us at Foraging?

    Chicago Shady Dealer / June 5, 2024
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    Letter from Cain to Abel Discovered in Sacrificial Lamb Pit

    Chicago Shady Dealer / June 4, 2024
    read more
  • Historical Issue

    New Study Suggest Berlin Wall Fell Not from Political Pressure, but from ‘Inept’ Architect behind Campus North and Woodlawn

    Chicago Shady Dealer / June 4, 2024
    read more
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