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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

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April 19, 2021
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

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December 6, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
  • Campus Life,  Politics,  World Affairs

    Viktor Orbán Wins Bid for USG President

    Chase Teichholz / May 12, 2026
    read more
  • Lifestyle,  World Affairs

    We Should Do This Thing, Says Guy Who Just Doesn’t Fucking Get It

    Justin Bilenker / May 11, 2026
    read more
  • Campus Life,  Internships & Jobs & The Hard Reality of Modern Capitalism

    Woodlawn to host a bake sale to raise money for new carpet! Cupcakes $20,000 each

    Pauline Singer / May 10, 2026
    read more
  • Campus Life,  World Affairs

    Your Old Humanities Paper Appears in Epstein Files

    Justin Bilenker / May 9, 2026
    read more
  • Arts & Culture

    Mini-Crossword

    Chicago Shady Dealer / May 8, 2026
    read more
  • Campus Life,  Scientific Excellence

    Calculus Textbook Explains Trigonometry as “IDK🤷”

    Katherine Timm / May 7, 2026
    read more
  • Campus Life,  Lifestyle

    Student Accidentally Calls Former Second-Grade Teacher “Professor,” Dies of Shame

    Katherine Timm / May 6, 2026
    read more
  • Politics,  World Affairs

    Trump organizes GoFundMe to buy Greenland

    Vivian Psylos / May 5, 2026
    read more
  • Campus Life,  Politics

    Heartwarming: SGFC Gives RSO $7.49 for Trip to Washington, D.C.

    Katherine Timm / May 4, 2026
    read more
  • Campus Life,  World Affairs

    Heartwarming: Student Saves World with Donation to Group Tabling in Reynolds

    Katherine Timm / April 27, 2026
    read more
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