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Lightfoot Promises 4-Hour CTA Delays “Only Some of the Time”
CTA riders who spoke with the Dealer said the move would be life-changing. “I can’t tell you how much it means to me that only half my waking hours will be spent waiting…
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The Perils of Being Paid $8000 a Month (By Your Parents)
“But, Thuddeus,” you say, “$8500 a month is a lot of money. That’s enough to buy, like, 850 bananas.”
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Inspirational! The Hunters and Taxidermists That Jim Henson Forced to Make the Muppets Are Finally Demanding Fair Recognition for Their Work
Henson is also suspected of cross-border trafficking: the court has questioned how Chinese and South American hunters could have acquired the rotting corpse of Big Bird.
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New Humanities Core Sequence for STEM Majors Will Teach Punctuation
“I have good words! Humanities bad!” protested Pat Greeneberg, a Bio major.
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Orthodox and Catholic Churches Reunite, Citing “Reconcilable Differences”
“We’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and we’ve come to the realization that papal infallibility and unwavering submission to Rome are actually really cool.”
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International House Students Steal Thousands of Maroon Dollars from University Dining
Our sources have already received rumors of an underground Maroon Dollar trading poker ring operating under the Regenstein Library…
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UChicago Course Catalog Includes New Devil’s Advocate Class
Typical texts include some combination of Shapiro, Davis, Reich, and Owens."
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Op-Ed: I Just Completed This Century’s Mona Lisa in the 1st Floor Harper Women’s Bathrooms
Years from now, art history students will take treks to the 1st Floor Harper Women’s Bathrooms to study my seminal painting.
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Kevin McCarthy Secures College Council Speakership After 14 Ballots
I really just wanted to put ‘Speaker of College Council’ on my LinkedIn.
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Why Unions Are Bad Actually (Not Sponsored by University of Chicago)
Unions are the only group which can negotiate for you: if you’re represented by a union, you’ll only have negotiating power as a collective rather than a super cool, maverick, lone wolf individual…
