To the delight of SOSC students, the UChicago course catalog was updated last week to include a new three-part course, DVAD 11000-11200. According to a press release from the College:
“Students will be introduced to rhetorical fallacies, the lived experience of second years’ thought processes, and hands-on experience being the most punchable motherfucker in the room. In Spring Quarter, students will be left to participate in a verbal and physical free-for-all. Typical texts include some combination of Shapiro, Davis, Reich, and Owens.”
The University hopes the addition of this new class will assist in fulfilling UChicago’s yearly quota of annoying little shits who aren’t capable of having a normal conversation.
The Dealer reached out to a representative of the Devil, but did not receive a response. In order to investigate further, a Dealer correspondent interviewed second years who stated that they were considering taking the class in the future. One of these students is Robert Hutchins III, who said he has enjoyed SOSC so far but felt he was inadequately prepared to participate in the class discussions.
“I’m taking Democracy,” Hutchins said. “People are in there, talking about how everyone should be able to vote. But no one considers that the masses often lack the mental capacity to make an educated choice between candidates. Unlike me.” When asked if he believed democracy could be perfect, Hutchins responded,. “Nothing is perfect, obviously. But we can get close. I think that everyone should take an exam about politics before being given a voter ID.” Hutchins then pulled out his phone, and started browsing Twitter Blue, as he defended the scalability of his idea. “Don’t worry about how feasible it is. If everyone listened, we could make it work.” Hutchins continued to complain about traditional SOSC courses: “We were stuck talking about history. It was mostly just ancient Greek stuff. I didn’t know anything about that. I really just wanted to ‘own’ some people.”
“This class may seem like it damages the image of Social Sciences students and the University,” said University of Chicago President Paul Alivisatos in e-mail correspondence with the Dealer. “But on the other hand…”