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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

read more
January 5, 2023
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

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December 6, 2022
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Phil (the Phoenix) Starts Fire

    Kate Kaplin / April 4, 2020
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Godot? I’m Still Waiting

    A Very Lonely Man / April 4, 2020
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Hyde Park Community Crowdsources Counseling

    / April 4, 2020
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Tired of Seeing His Ads, Mark Zuckerberg Blocks Bloomberg from Facebook Feed

    Chicago Shady Dealer / April 4, 2020
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    What Happens Between Pre-Reg and Schedule Release

    Rahul Gupta / April 4, 2020
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Point/Counterpoint: 11 Things UChicago Students Think They’re Doing Right Now versus 11 Things UChicago Students Are Actually Doing Right Now

    Kate Kaplin / April 3, 2020
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Area Man Cooks with Street Salt

    Jack Mahoney / April 3, 2020
    read more
  • student-laundry
    Chicago Shady Dealer

    “Where Is Everyone?” Asks Student Who Just Finished Load of Laundry

    / April 3, 2020
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    How the Lockdown Helped Me Bond With the Ghost That Lives In My Apartment

    / April 3, 2020
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    With University Moving Online, Dealer To Publish Issues Via Fax

    Chicago Shady Dealer and 1 more / March 31, 2020
    read more
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