Chicago Shady Dealer

With University Moving Online, Dealer To Publish Issues Via Fax

CHICAGO, IL – Representatives for the Shady Dealer announced today that, despite the University of Chicago’s move towards online classes, the paper would keep publishing, albeit in a different format. Effective immediately, new issues of the Dealer will be distributed by fax.

“With the University moving classes to Zoom, we figured it was finally time to embrace modern technology,” noted the paper’s editors in a statement released Friday. “The coronavirus crisis has forced us to think creatively about how we distribute our issues, and we think we’ve hit upon a solution that will finally bring the Shady Dealer into the 20th century.”

Among other factors, the Dealer touted convenience as key in the decision to adopt the fax-based format: “Everyone has a fax machine, right? All UChicago students will have to do to read the Dealer is call us, ask us to fax them a copy, and then wait as their fax machine prints out eight pages slowly whilst making annoying beeping noises.”

When asked if the paper could benefit from switching to an Internet-based format, representatives for the Dealer took a skeptical tone. “We considered that, but we just aren’t sure that enough of the student body owns modems. Besides, this whole internet thing is just a fad. Fax will allow us to send everyone physical copies of the Dealer, and that’s the gold standard. Physical publishing will live forever.”

 

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