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Only Permitted Spring Break Activity is Clicking This Button, Admin Says
A recent email from the College urged students to stay at home and within the Chicago area during the upcoming spring break, and revealed that the only activity the College suggests students do…
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Frat Cites Disparities in Alcohol Access as Reason to Become Hazing-Optional
In an effort to boost the diversity of their first-year applicant pool, newly established fraternity Delta Iota Kappa has become hazing-optional. The choice comes amid a wave of other fraternities forego hazing requirements…
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In Bid for Diversity, Board Chooses Muppet as Next UChicago President
After many community listening sessions, international searches, and donor solicitations, the Board of Trustees has chosen Paul Alivisatos as the next President of the University of Chicago. His preceding tenure as Vice Chancellor…
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Conservative Students Silenced by Regenstein Library’s 4th floor
Rather than deal with the Soros-backed liberal elites of the media, I decided to turn my cubicle into a soapbox and recite my argument on the fourth floor of the Reg. Having chosen…
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You Got Us: Here are Other Maroon Articles We Released Without People Knowing
Yes, we used a psychic to predict The Maroon’s COVID-19 retrospective so that we could publish its headlines first. But did you know we've done that a lot over the years? Here are…
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How Covid and the Summer’s Racial Reckoning Impacted the Way I, Your Friendly Neighborhood Econ Frat Bro, Live My Life and View the World
Staffers at Bon Appétit, a food and lifestyle magazine for people who spend more than $50 dollars on a single jar of cinnamon, suddenly left the magazine because of race stuff, and they…
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Rock Salt Flavor Retrospective: Hyde Park, Winter 2020-2021
A note on methodology: in our blind testing, sampling teams tasted salts found on streets and sidewalks alike.
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Exclusive: Top Brass Dispels Rumors of SSA/Crown Remilitarization
Lieutenant Commander Zimmer denies that the school has become complicit in hyper-militarism, stating that the Main Quadrangle’s helipad has been there all along, and that anyone who disagrees will be dishonorably discharged.
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Bummed about a Pandemic Breakup? It May Be an Opportunity for Growth
For better or for worse, human relationships have been altered by the COVID-19 pandemic. While some people’s relationships are accelerating as social circles become more limited, others are experiencing a more difficult shift…
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Friendship During COVID–19 Requires Communication and Consent
You may or may not have heard of this dude named Jean-Jacques Rousseau, who, according to Wikipedia, “was a Genevan philosopher, writer, and composer.” I certainly hadn’t until I took SOSC while microdosing…
