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What I Wish I Had Known on March 11th, 2020: A One-Year Retrospective on my Gilded Age History and Economy Final Exam
The Dealer sat down with UChicago students to talk about the things they wished they had known last March. Well, just one student, really. And most of his complaints were about one history…
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Admin Introduces Reading Hour Every Week That Accumulates Into One Reading Day
"The committee felt that students should be motivated to study for finals before they actually learn the material that will be on their finals, and if you don't like it fuck you your…
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I Failed My First HUM Paper and I Don’t Know Why… ?
My professor just graded my first essay for Readings in World Literature and gave me an F. I’m really confused because I copied most of it from an essay I wrote in AP…
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Canada Goose Wearer Cries for UCPD as Feathers Are Ripped Off His Back
“Help! Help! No, not the Goose please please that was a birthday pres… huhhhh… where is UCP-” were the last words of David Vanderbilt, a fourth-year Big Problems Major at the University of…
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Only Permitted Spring Break Activity is Clicking This Button, Admin Says
A recent email from the College urged students to stay at home and within the Chicago area during the upcoming spring break, and revealed that the only activity the College suggests students do…
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Frat Cites Disparities in Alcohol Access as Reason to Become Hazing-Optional
In an effort to boost the diversity of their first-year applicant pool, newly established fraternity Delta Iota Kappa has become hazing-optional. The choice comes amid a wave of other fraternities forego hazing requirements…
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In Bid for Diversity, Board Chooses Muppet as Next UChicago President
After many community listening sessions, international searches, and donor solicitations, the Board of Trustees has chosen Paul Alivisatos as the next President of the University of Chicago. His preceding tenure as Vice Chancellor…
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Conservative Students Silenced by Regenstein Library’s 4th floor
Rather than deal with the Soros-backed liberal elites of the media, I decided to turn my cubicle into a soapbox and recite my argument on the fourth floor of the Reg. Having chosen…
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You Got Us: Here are Other Maroon Articles We Released Without People Knowing
Yes, we used a psychic to predict The Maroon’s COVID-19 retrospective so that we could publish its headlines first. But did you know we've done that a lot over the years? Here are…
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How Covid and the Summer’s Racial Reckoning Impacted the Way I, Your Friendly Neighborhood Econ Frat Bro, Live My Life and View the World
Staffers at Bon Appétit, a food and lifestyle magazine for people who spend more than $50 dollars on a single jar of cinnamon, suddenly left the magazine because of race stuff, and they…
