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College Announces Precautionary Dorm Relocation to New Zealand
UChicago’s Department of Housing and Residence Life announced very late Thursday evening that housing for all undergraduates would be relocated to the suburbs of Wellington, New Zealand, beginning January 2022. The statement was…
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Dealer Exclusive: An Interview with Paul Alivisatos
The Dealer sat down for an exclusive interview with newly-inaugurated President Paul Alivisatos. In doing so, the Dealer has become the only student publication to gain access to the elusive campus giant. (The…
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How to Be an Ally to Your White Woman Friends after Red (Taylor’s Version)
For the UChicago white community, it has been a hard year. Starbucks did not bring back the chestnut praline latte, Urban Outfitters discontinued “nevertheless she persisted” y2k baby tees and, most recently, Taylor…
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Leopold & Loeb’s Top Ten Make Out Spots on Campus — And One Extra That May Surprise You!
In no particular order: Under the Walt Whitman head in Harper Memorial Library In the secret bathroom (marked as fire escape) in Harper next to the CPO Behind the Lamassu at the OI…
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Frats Discover Free the Nip Movement, Decide to Become Second Wave Feminists
Aghast by societal double standards towards the exposure of male and female chests, Pike brothers have begun conducting extensive research into the 2014 “Free the Nipple” movement. Their findings have led them to…
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Squid Game Review
I’ve been hearing more and more about the show Squid Game, and I must say, I am shocked and appalled that this show is allowed to be on the air, and alarmed by…
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UChicago Clarifies That Indoor Mask Policy Does Not Apply to Hot People
This week, the UChicago Student Wellness Center released a statement clarifying that the university’s indoor mask policy did not apply to people who are “hella cute.” “After carefully reviewing the current medical situation…
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Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House
While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated when they watched…
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Grimes Rebounds with Sosc Professor
Grimes and Elon Musk recently split after 3 years, and the Canadian songstress is handling it with nothing but grace and class… consciousness? Grimes, 33, was recently spotted on the streets of LA,…
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Op-Ed: Here’s Why I Applied to an Assistant Professorship at Booth as an Undergrad
Though I’m still an undergrad, I recently applied to an assistant professorship at Booth, for one reason: to fight for what I know is right. It is grossly inequitable that graduate students are…
