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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

read more
December 6, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

read more
April 19, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

read more
January 5, 2023
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
  • Politics

    Panicked Republicans Nominate Gun-Toting Muppet for Speaker of the House

    Sophie Klopfenstein and 1 more / January 3, 2023
    read more
  • Politics

    Sosc Class Definitively Solves Israel-Palestine Conflict

    Jeff Broust / December 9, 2022
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Student Forgets to Return Textbook, Is Fined $7 Billion

    Alasdair Greenland / December 9, 2022
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Student Walks to Class with Unshakeable Gaze and Steely Resolve

    Hermosillo Sardinia / December 8, 2022
    read more
  • Lifestyle

    Point: An Apple a Day Keeps the Doctor Away/ Counterpoint: So Does a Knife

    Pascal Knowles and 1 more / December 7, 2022
    read more
  • Campus Life,  Favorites

    University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

    Ricky Alzati and 2 more / December 6, 2022
    read more
  • Sports

    Buccaneers’ Tom Brady to Be Traded for a Man Who Will “Spend Some Goddamn Time With the Kids”

    William Foster / December 5, 2022
    read more
  • Lifestyle

    Op-Ed: I Can Definitely Beat You in a Fight

    Laetrius Gooch and 1 more / December 2, 2022
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Dealer Investigates: The Many Crimes of “Dean Boyer”

    Pascal Knowles / December 1, 2022
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer,  Favorites

    OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

    Andre Dang and 1 more / November 30, 2022
    read more
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