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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

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January 5, 2023
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

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April 19, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

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December 6, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Class of 2024 First-Ever Not to Know Which Direction Is North

    R.E. Stern / October 4, 2020
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Overachiever Who Watches All Orientation Materials Becomes God Emperor

    Cameron Chang / October 4, 2020
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Coronavirus isn’t a big deal, it’ll be gone by Easter, I’ll be right eventually, it is what it is; Trump Contracts Coronavirus

    Diego Matamoros / October 3, 2020
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Last Night’s Presidential Debate Was A Terrible Romantic Comedy

    Randy Beans / October 1, 2020
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Volume 17 Issue 1

    Diego Matamoros / October 1, 2020
    read more
  • 8=Democracy

    Fuck It, We’re Launching a Data Journalism Site

    Chicago Shady Dealer / September 28, 2020
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  • 8=Democracy

    We Asked Each State’s Residents Who They Were Voting For. Here’s What They Told Us.

    Ishaan Singh / September 28, 2020
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  • 8=Democracy

    It’s Your God-Given Right to Overreact to the FiveThirtyEight Election Forecast

    R.E. Stern / September 28, 2020
    read more
  • 8=Democracy

    In 2020, Which Issues are UChicago Students Most Concerned About?

    Kate Kaplin / September 28, 2020
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Getting Starting: Five Things I Learned from Online Orientation

    Madeleine Roberts / September 24, 2020
    read more
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