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Five Code Words Your Teen is Using to Talk About Bootlegging
LMAO (Let’s Make Alcohol Outside)
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How to Block Your Ex on Carrier Pigeon
Shoot the pigeons. This one is pretty self explanatory. Dead birds tell no tales, and shooting a few should send a message to others to stay away.
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Cavepeople Enjoying Game of Rock, Rock, Stone
"It would be a vast improvement over the classic children’s game of rock, rock, rock."
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Scientists Finish Figuring Out Which Berries Kill You
The scientists who have compiled this list have not publicly revealed their methods, but an inside source claims it was done through a highly advanced scientific process known as “trial and error.”
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Ye Olde Book Review: The Bible- 7/10, Needs Work
Ultimately, we found that the story is fairly unrealistic, with a deeply unrelatable protagonist “God” isolating the audience from the other characters, which we ultimately come to know and love.
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Top 20 Men In Your Village Who Aren’t Your Brother
#13 will shock and impress you!
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Meet the Local Cow Named Least Likely to Burn Down City
When reached for comment, O’Leary stated that she was “mighty proud of Betsy” and, now that the cow was newly certified not to be fire-prone, would reward her with a toasty gas lamp…
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Man Shouts Fire in Crowded Library of Alexandria
Last Thursday, shortly after the sundial struck VIII, a fire reportedly broke out in the geometry section of the Library of Alexandria, where a crowd had gathered to watch famed geometer Eratosthenes Pedantos’…
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Jackass Runs 26.2 Miles, Demands Medal
After running this distance and relaying his message, that narcissist Pheidippides reportedly demanded a medallion of pure gold, eyewitnesses reported.
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Meet UChicago’s First-Ever Econ Major/Econ Minor
“Employers want marketable skills that they apparently don’t think are taught in our regular econ classes. Like critical thinking.”