“Even before stepping foot on campus, this unprecedented group of students has already made their mark.” Dean of Admissions James Nondorf said. “And I mean that literally. We have renamed a lot of…

They use “network” as a verb. “I had a great time with you tonight. How about we reconvene and rendezvous for a little networking sesh at Nobu next week?” This is not a…

“It was a difficult journey across the Midway with lots of treacherous twists and turns,” he said. “However, I have finally been granted a condom. Now I am in search of a partner…

Let me take you inside the game. When you get moved into your dorm. You'll meet your housemates and make your best and only friends for the rest of your life. You'll never…

Campus activists have long protested the University’s reluctance to provide gender-neutral facilities; however, they noted that allowing students to relieve themselves in the middle of the humongous dome is “probably not the way…

As clumsy human beings, all of us have tripped over our own feet before. Therefore, it should be no shock when you hit a lamppost or fall over unexpectedly. Ensure that your head…

“I don’t need them, I’m perfectly sufficient on my own,” Tyler said, while drinking a can of Monster Energy Assault™ and eating dry instant ramen.

“This is a good thing for inequality. It’s actually redistributing wealth... We’re like the modern-day Marx and Engels.”

"My vagina is not the Leviathan; stop trying to take up the sword against my clitoris. Trust me, that’s not how you do it. "

“I swear, this is my coat. I remember it got bleach all over it at the last party, but for some reason the tag is removed? Who knows though? I liked the coat…