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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Campus Life

    UChicago Course Catalog Includes New Devil’s Advocate Class

    Justin Bachner / February 22, 2023

    Typical texts include some combination of Shapiro, Davis, Reich, and Owens."

    read more
  • Campus Life

    Why Unions Are Bad Actually (Not Sponsored by University of Chicago)

    Paul A. Realperson / February 17, 2023

    Unions are the only group which can negotiate for you: if you’re represented by a union, you’ll only have negotiating power as a collective rather than a super cool, maverick, lone wolf individual…

    read more
  • Campus Life

    Top Twenty Things on Other People’s Laptops You Can Pay Attention to Instead of Your Bio Topics Lecture

    Lena Birkholz / February 16, 2023

    Youtube fan edit for the 90s classic Y Tu Mama Tambien.

    read more
  • Campus Life

    Heartbreaking! DU Invested Entire Fund Into FTX

    Andre Dang and 1 more / February 14, 2023

    Reports show DU members begging for Maroon Dollars outside the Reg to repay their debt, although no member responded to our request for comment.

    read more
  • Campus Life

    Dean Boyer Snubbed by Popular Clique of Ivy League Provosts

    Jacob Halabe / February 10, 2023

    “I try to sit with them at lunch but they’re always, like, so mean to me."

    read more
  • Campus Life

    University Hires New Neubauer Family Assistant Associate Vice Admiral Director of Rigorous Professional Academic Engagement, Inquiry, and Hijinks

    Edward A. Meyer / February 8, 2023

    “We felt like the administration just wasn’t doing our job with 5,438 employees, but we remain optimistic that the 5,439th will do the trick.”

    read more
  • Campus Life

    Announcing the Shady Dealer’s Datamatch 2023

    Chicago Shady Dealer / February 6, 2023

    “After four straight years of Datamatch, we thought we’d hit rock bottom in terms of question material, but it turns out we could sink lower down!”

    read more
  • Campus Life

    North Resident With “Eyesore” View of Max P Self-Proclaimed “Most Oppressed on Campus”

    Lacey Calburn / February 2, 2023

    The UChicago community was sent into an uproar this week after #justiceforNorth began trending on Twitter.

    read more
  • Campus Life

    I’m 40, I Teach Here, and I Just Messaged You on Tinder

    Prof. Keith Lormp / February 1, 2023

    So how about it? Wanna give me a shot? If the age gap ever feels weird, just pretend I’m 25 like I said I was when we first matched.

    read more
  • Campus Life

    Provost Argues against Atoms Unionizing to Form Bonds

    Justin Ben-Zene / January 30, 2023

    The credibility of the statement was called into question by representatives from the NLrB (the Nitrogen-Lawrencium-Boron Union), as the University is known to benefit from ions and other dissociated species.

    read more
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