Bartholomew Higgins, a first-year resident of Dougan-Niklason House in North Residential Commons, has touched the UChicago community with his recent act of heroism: bravely pulling the fire alarm in his own dorm. 

Moved by this powerful story, we interviewed Higgins and surveyed his close friends and neighbors to get a better understanding of this benevolent humanitarian.

“I heard about the fire alarm incident at Woodlawn, and it hit a little too close to home,” said Higgins. “My grandmother died from fire alarm-induced hypothermia back in ‘09. The thought of all those poor Woodlawn residents sitting out in the cold and rain really tugged at my heart—how could I not show my support in their time of need?”

However, this big-hearted altruist faced difficulties and even opposition in his initial attempts. “You’d think no one would be against a simple show of empathy, right? But no. There are some cold-hearted individuals among us, let me tell you.”

“I’m going to kill him”, said Dougan-Niklason resident Chloe Williams when asked for her opinion. “My only purpose at this point is to end his life. My floor’s pitched in for a handgun. I hope when he gets to hell tomorrow, his eternal punishment is to stand outside in subzero winds while soaking wet and wearing nothing but a shitty bathrobe.”

“I don’t think he’s ever set off one of these before, actually,” said Daniel Thomas, who witnessed Higgins’ heroic deed. “He said the words ‘fire alarm’ every few seconds and angrily stared at it as if he expected it to do something. After 15 minutes, the pickle costume that he wore caught on the handle and pulled the alarm.”

“It’s a good thing I rose to the occasion,” remarked Higgins. “I don’t think someone without my brilliant intuition, future Business-Economics degree, and Fiji pledge status could have deciphered how to activate these confusing machines. I asked several others to pull the fire alarms in other buildings so that I could learn. None of them must have known how to do it, because they all refused!”