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Report: Career-Ready Graduates Spent Four Years Writing Satire, Fake News
By DJ LoBraico June 1, 2013 According to a recent report commissioned by the Office of Career Advancement, three of the most marketable and career-ready members of the graduating College class of 2013…
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Study: Over 85% of IM Frisbee Participants Have No Idea What’s Going On
By Zach Augustine June 2, 2013 HYDE PARK—Recent studies suggest that over three-quarters of participants in Coed Intramural Frisbee Leagues “don’t even know how to throw”. Multiple firstyear girls, coerced to play in…
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Class of 2017 Surprised by Air of Sexual Promise
By Clay Olsen Aug. 2, 2013 Most long-time inmates at the University of Chicago know that the campus and its environs are boiling cauldrons of sin, a few well-timed winks and broken condoms…
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Parties to look out for in 2013
By Robin Ye Aug. 2, 2013 The brochures promised it all: eternal laughter on the quad, casual, enjoyable studying, and a diverse set of friends assembled from the far regions of the world,…
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Undergrad Begins Quest For Truth
By Zach Augustine Aug. 2, 2013 Incoming first-year Sally Danderson is determined to finally solve not one but several of the vital issues that have been plaguing philosophy for all of recorded human…
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Housecest accounts for Mere 95% of O-Week Hookups
By Ayesha Wadhawan Aug. 2, 2013 In the early days of the 2013-14 academic year, the proportion of O-Week hook-ups between individuals of the same house has reached a shocking low of 95%.…
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Editorial: People keep asking if I like it at UIC
By UIC Student Aug. 2, 2013 I’m so tired of people asking me about UIC. As college students, you’ll understand my struggle. As if it isn’t enough that wehave to have the same…
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Point: I have been forced to carry the spirit of Pierce on my shoulders. Counterpoint by construction worker: I have been forced to carry Pierce on my shoulders
By Daniel Moattar Aug. 2, 2013 Point: I have been forced to carry the spirit of Pierce on my shoulders. By Oliver Wateringcan II With the construction of the University of Chicago’s new…
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First Year Finalizes List of RSOs she’s not going to join
By Matthew Goldenberg Aug. 2, 2013 Incoming first-year student Patricia Lewis has announced that she has decided which Registered Student Organizations she wants to join and, more importantly, the ones she doesn’t want…
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I Wanted to Have an O-mance with Her, but Her Internship Prospects Just weren’t good enough
By Mark Sands Aug. 2, 2013 There’s a cute girl in my advising group. I get that she’s attractive, but she has no future. She said she wants a Ph.D. in Sociology. If…
