Report: 78% of Brita filter owners are the only ones who ever fill the damn thing

By Becky Stoner

Oct. 22, 2012

A study conducted by researchers in the Division of the Social Sciences at the University of Chicago found that 78% of Brita filter owners report being the only person to ever fill the damn water pitcher back up, even though it’s not like their roommates don’t drink from it too, according to data gathered through a wide-scale surveyof owners of the self-contained filter mechanisms

“It’s really mind-boggling,” comments University researcher Kelly Samuels. “Just as 80% of people report being above average in both intelligence and attractiveness, nearly 80% of Britafilter owners claim to be that rare saint who refills the pitcher at least once a day without complaint. Since most Brita filter owners live in multiple-occupancy dwellings, this seems counterintuitive and goes against all previous indications.” The research, conducted with funding from Brita filter owners across the region seeking to demonstrate that “seriously, you would all die of thirst without me,” has been called groundbreaking by scholars in behavioral psychology across the nation. “This study is a fascinating insight into the self-serving behavior of the average Brita filter owner, who seems to overvalue his contributions and overlook anything his roommates might have done, like doing the dishes on Saturday and Sunday and cleaning the counters,” adds Assistant Professor Corey Handlin at the University of Michigan, “Clearly, this research is an important contribution to the study of how much more housework you do than your idiot roommates.”