Straw Man Sick of Being Attacked All the Time
By Scott Mendelssohn
Oct. 24, 2012
Like many Americans, Ray Balgier is not pleased with this presidential election cycle. He, like a growing number of his peers, is a straw man, a group of people that have taken a significant beating during this political season. In the past year alone, Balgier has been personally attacked upwards of 200 times by the two candidates, and the number of attacks is growing faster than ever.
I honestly dont get it, Balgier said of the recent trend of beating the verbal shit out of him at any given opportunity to speak. I dont know what to make of it all. It starts off nice, they just start quoting some facts to each other.All is well then they just go ahead and drop me in on things.
This disturbing trend has been evident at every level of the campaigns. Did you know Obama wants to get rid of the military and leave us defenseless and alone? Balgier recalled hearing one night during a debate. Why the fuck did they have to bring me into that? What did I do? Balgier read one transcript of another attack against his person: Mitt Romney and his supporters believe everything can be solved if the government just gets out of the wayI have never said that, I dont know why Obama had to do me like that.
The recent debates arent the first time that people in the political world have lashed out at Ray Balgier. Earlier this year, Obama claimed Mitt Romney is waging a war on women, which Balgier notes was harmful because it nearly derailed his marriage. This presidential cycle also heard Mitt Romney, in a now infamous quote, saying my opponent thinks that if you have a successful business, you didnt build that. Mr. Balgier has a small-cookie bakery and knows firsthand what is needed to build a successful, small business. “Frankly, that comment was just “out of line,” complains Balgier.
A recent article in the New York Times quotes Barack Obama and Mitt Romney bellowing in unison, Ray Balgier is a massive cunt-stick.
