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OP-ED: I’m a Fundamentals Major and My Question is “A Who Did What Now?”
When I came to college from a small town in rural Pennsylvania, I had no idea what I wanted to major in. I tried Math, but it was too hard. I tried Sociology,…
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We Know a Lot of Words, but None of Them are “Black Lives Matter”, Apparently
Hi there! We’re the sentient ghouls of Levi Hall. You might remember us as the minds behind all-time-great administrative emails like “No we won’t lower tuition”, “Something about Thucydides”, and “Here is a…
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How to Look Less Delicious to Your Roommate
Don’t shower. Given that you haven’t gone outside in the past two weeks and haven’t seen anyone, this one might already be a given. Showering removes your body’s natural oils and “funk,” if…
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You don’t really have a dairy allergy, have you tried meditation?
Come on sweetie, you don’t look lactose intolerant! You’re not really lactose intolerant, you’re probably just faking so you get more bathroom breaks. Your poops are liquid? Like an old Philadelphia roll from Shinju, this…
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After Dropping Out of Democratic Primary, Mayor Pete Sees Rise In Black Support
“This is the first good decision he’s made on behalf of the black community,” said longtime Hyde Parker Marshall Jackson. “Now that he’s out of the race, I could see myself giving him…
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Counterpoint: I Use Cursive Every Day
The Boomers say cursive is dead. The millennials say cursive is useless. But I, a lonely sapiosexual, say cursive is life. I like imagining the way cursive was invented. One day, someone…
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Dealer Music Review: “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”
What happens when a girl loves America’s pastime so much she insists that all of her dates be at sporting events? Lyricist Jack Norwood and composer Albert Von Tisler give us the answer…
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Fourth Year Math Major Forgets How to Read
What had previously been considered an un-losable skill, like riding a bike or swimming, has for the first time been proven to be losable. This past Monday, Ican Add became the first person…
